36 Completely Unhinged Things People Said In Their Sleep That Their Partners Will Never Let Them Forget
I don’t know if I talk in my sleep, and I’m not sure I want to find out. Being awake already gives me plenty of opportunities to say something ridiculous. I don’t need to find out that my brain is working overnight.
Sleep talkers seem completely confident, too. It doesn’t matter what setting or timeframe. They’re battling Batman? Sure are. Then they go right back to sleep while everyone else lies awake wondering if we all are dreaming right now.
These people shared the funniest, strangest, and occasionally unsettling things they’ve heard someone say while sleeping. Thankfully, the witnesses remembered everything.
1. “My partner once, completely at random, yelled, ‘OPEN THE WINDOW, ABIGAIL, I’M BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL!’ Important note: We don’t know an Abigail.”
2. “My husband sleep-talks on occasion, but the most memorable one was the time he sat straight up and said there was ‘a ghost on the doorknob.’ That was terrifying…but then, later on, he said, ‘You did it, babe! You defeated Batman!'”
3. “My freshman year, I lived with two guys in a dorm who BOTH talked in their sleep. One night, I woke up and one was chanting, ‘I am the spring berry, I am the spring berry,’ and the other just responded, ‘Yeah, but Chick-fil-A said no back in 2011!’ They have no memory of this.”
4. “My brother didn’t talk a lot in his sleep when we were kids, but one time he woke me up by screaming, ‘THE PIZZA IS FALLING!’ I then heard a loud BOOM come from his room…he had fallen out of bed trying to catch the pizza.”
5. “I was told by my fiancé that he came to bed one night after I had already fallen asleep. He started rubbing my back, which prompted me to sleep-say: ‘This just in! Local boy massages…other local boy!’ I am a 26-year-old female, but that night I was apparently a young 19th-century newsboy at heart.”
6. “One of the first times I slept at my boyfriend’s house, he started yelling at me in the dead of night to ‘turn the lights on’ while he was throwing the sheets around. I asked what was wrong and he said, ‘Mosquito.’ After I told him there was no mosquito, he said, ‘Oh, I guess the spider under the bed ate it,’ and promptly went back to sleep.”
7. “My husband talks A LOT in his sleep, but a few of my personal favorites include: ‘I think we need to move the pit,’ ‘Now we have to buy more because you wasted them…the cannonballs,’ and, ‘There’s not, like, a baby under the mattress, right?'”
8. “I have been known to hold whole conversations in my sleep if I am tired enough, but my fiancé’s favorite story is the time I started with, ‘I don’t like the blue and purple ones.’ When he asked me what I was referring to, I responded, ‘M&M’s.’ He asked why and I said, ‘Because they don’t do what I tell them to!'”
9. “My friend’s little brother sleepwalks, and once he came into our room. He kicked open the door and said, ‘Did you tell Mom about the soup thing?!’ My friend replied, ‘What soup thing?’ He answered, ‘You know, the thing with the [strangled screaming noise] and the [bird noise]!’ He then stood there for a minute before leaving.”
10. “My wife always jumps at the opportunity to tell people that I once said, ‘How come you get the cool spaceships and I get the Jetsons?’ while asleep, then made the Jetsons flying car sound.”
11. “I woke up one night, restless and hot, so I turned on the AC. My husband appeared to wake up, too. He sat up and said, ‘I’m your fan!’ and waved his hands like a fan, then laughed at his own joke and went back to sleep. He did not remember it in the morning.”
12. “My daughter once sat up and said, ‘This is it. My monster house!’ She then smiled proudly, laid back down, and started snoring. I tried, but I wasn’t able to get any more information about the monster house.”
13. “My mom, my sister, and I were all watching a movie in my mom’s bed. My sister, who was 4 at the time, had fallen asleep, but then she suddenly got up on her hands and knees and began digging at our pillow. She then loudly asked, ‘Do you want fries?’ She still doesn’t remember this and hates when I tell the story.”
14. “One night my husband yelled, ‘Scarecrow penis!’ right in my face, then proceeded to roll over and fall deeply back to sleep. The problem was that I laughed so hard I woke him up.”
15. “Apparently, one time while I was sleeping, I grabbed my partner by the shoulders and told her, ‘Hey, people are just stacks of years!’ like it was the most important thing in the world.”
— ewhit276
16. “My wife once indignantly shouted, ‘I can’t poop here! Everyone is watching!’ And I do mean SHOUTED. I was still awake playing on my iPad in bed while she slept, and I about jumped out of my skin.”
17. “Just last night my husband asked me in his sleep, ‘What are we gonna do if our future kids are afraid of carousels?'”
— moriahc2
18. “Once my husband sat up and said, ‘Well, I’ve had an epiphany!’ I was extremely confused and, when I asked him to elaborate, he said, ‘Well, the bed was 2 feet wide and the volcano was 3 feet wide…'”
— Abbiejz
19. “A few weeks ago my husband loudly yelled, ‘Single for life!’ while he was sleeping. We’ve been married for 13 years and have five kids.”
20. “My ex’s kid had a bed in the same room with us. He was 4 at the time, and one night I happened to wake up and look over at him. He rose from his bed, stared at the wall, and whispered, ‘Who are you?’ At this point, I was in full NOPE mode, and then he whispered, ‘Don’t tell them!’ and flopped back into his bed.”
21. “My fully asleep husband once angrily told me to ‘quit breathing fire on him’ because he was dreaming that I had transformed into a dragon.”
22. “My girlfriend in college, who was from Indiana, out of nowhere said in a thick New York accent, ‘My ass is grass!’ She then promptly fell back asleep.”
23. “My husband talks in his sleep, but it’s rare that I catch it or am lucid enough to remember. The first time I heard him do it is still the only one I remember, and it’s our favorite non sequitur to this day. He was snoring and just said, ‘Go Team Jesus!'”
24. “My roommate talks in their sleep almost every night and, one time, he just burst into laughter and said, ‘Well, why did none of you try to chop my head off then?'”
— spurtz_
25. “According to my girlfriend, I was dead asleep and asked her, ‘Do you see it?’ She was awake and said, ‘What?’ I answered, ‘Ugh, you probably can’t see it because it’s floating. Whatever!’ Then I fell right back asleep. I have no memory of it.”
26. “My wife swears up and down that one time, while she was still up reading before bed, I said, ‘I see you didn’t bring the bag of leaves? So now I know you’re not serious.'”
— Zkv
27. “According to the story, my grandma once sat up in bed, looked my grandpa dead in the eyes, and said, ‘I’ll stick a dagger in your eye!’ She laid back down and fell right to sleep. That was almost 20 years ago.”
28. “It wasn’t something I said, but something I did: We were both sleeping, and I dreamt that my partner was sleeping upside down, so he had his feet on the pillow. I thought that was gross, so in the dream I punched him in the feet. The thing is, I also did that in reality, which resulted in a punch to the face.”
29. “It’s not something he says, but something he does: Sometimes, he’ll sit straight up and gasp super loud while staring at the wall. I ask what’s wrong, but he’s asleep. Meanwhile, I can’t go back to sleep because I’m so scared.”
30. “My sister and I used to share a room, and she would constantly freak me out with her sleepwalking and talking. One memorable time, I woke up to her sitting at the end of my bed in pitch darkness singing ‘Hero’ by Mariah Carey.”
— karlie99
31. “It’s late at night, after midnight. I haven’t fallen asleep, so I turn over to try and get comfy and see my girlfriend looking straight at me. Then she said, ‘Did you see it move?’ I promptly panicked and turned the light on, to which she mumbled a groan of displeasure because my darling girlfriend had slept through this entire thing.”
— SatakOz