Wedding joke about seeing what meal you were in the mood for six months ago.

30 Funniest Tweets Today That Deserve A Few Minutes Of Your Otherwise Responsible Life

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I think laughing at something on your phone should count as doing something.

Unfortunately, when my wife asks what I did today, “saw a really good tweet” still doesn’t get the respect it deserves. I’m supposed to have picked up groceries or scheduled that dentist appointment and gotten a haircut, but I can do all of that tomorrow.

Today’s funniest tweets are a good excuse to take a break, especially if you’ve spent the day going all the things you should’ve been.

And if you haven’t, you’re already here. Might as well make it official.

1.

My husband acts like it costs money to use the windshield wipers.
via twitter

2.

Tom Smyth's tweet about weddings being fun because of past meals.
via twitter

3.

People will say they hate drag and then go see the Savannah bananas.
via twitter

4.

Tweet by julian about the handle on a maple syrup bottle.
via twitter

5.

Proof of the flag still there, with the sign reading 'AILE HOSE'.
via twitter

6.

Twitter post by NARUTO about finding $40 on the ground and lunch changing money.
via twitter

7.

Big Timi's tweet about airline luggage policies.
via twitter

8.

Amelia's tweet about taking a shower between 3pm and 4pm counting for both days.
via twitter

9.

Comparison of a pizza with toppings and a boneless pizza in a box.
via twitter

10.

Nothing humbles you faster than an old car with manual headlights.
via twitter

11.

Twitter post by BIG MO about potatoes growing teeth and box braids after a week.
via twitter

12.

via twitter

13.

Dressing up as a referee and yelling 'too many men!' everywhere you go.
via twitter

14.

Quote from Ta West: "I expected more from you" - please don't expect stuff from me, please.
via twitter

15.

Corey Brewer's tweet about ordering a pizza with mushrooms for his 5-year-old.
via twitter

16.

via twitter

17.

Ryan Kennedy's tweet about marriage, kids, and taking a nap.
via twitter

18.

Do you wanna come to dinner with my parents and observe the unsaid lifelong dynamics?.
via twitter

19.

A bathroom sink with a pink tray holding yellow and orange half-sies corn.
via twitter

20.

Friend asks to hang out, I mention recovery period after activity.
via twitter

21.

via twitter

22.

Twitter post by Gifted about deleting a screenshot after getting an item.
via twitter

23.

Drunk guy asks what he'd like to buy, laughs and walks out the door.
via twitter

24.

Tweet about cat not wanting to be stepped on, from hellisrebuke.
via twitter

25.

People at the grocery store have never been there before. They don't know what it sells or where it.
via twitter

26.

John Cena points with a smirk in front of a dark background.
via twitter

27.

Tweet by @JamaicanLabrant about airports and parent fights.
via twitter

28.

Friend to all cats, even the little mean ones. They have their reasons.
via twitter

29.

Tweet about inventing another Sunday for sleeping all day.
via twitter

30.

Kaya's tweet about crying at 11pm over a childhood pizza restaurant closing.
via twitter