There's no way I'm working to 65. I don't even know if I'm going to make it to 5pm today.

30 Funny Work Tweets From Another Week Of Waiting For Payday

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I love getting paid. Huge fan. If my job consisted entirely of that part, I think I could really make a career out of it. Unfortunately, they keep attaching responsibilities to the money, which feels like something we should have discussed.

The worst part is how quickly a paycheck stops being yours. You spend two weeks earning it, then rent, and a few bills appear out of thin air. Then, you’re back at work trying to earn the same money again.

At least complaining about work is still free. These funny work tweets are this week’s contribution, courtesy of people who also have a very specific reason for setting an alarm.

1.

A haunted house but it's just selecting your benefits during open enrollment.
via twitter

2.

“Where does it hurt?” Me: “At work… it hurts at work.”.
via twitter

3.

Wait, before email existed… did people just leave work and nobody could contact them until the next.
via twitter

4.

Did absolutely nothing at work today - a woman in an office at a desk with a computer.
via twitter

5.

The first 2 hours at work really just be me accepting the fact that I’m at work.
via twitter

6.

Someone microwaved fish at 11 a.m. on a Friday. I don’t know who it was, but Monday’sgoing.
via twitter

7.

There's no way I'm working to 65. I don't even know if I'm going to make it to 5pm today.
via twitter

8.

Employee Tears Twitter post asks: How do I mark a coworker as spam on Microsoft Teams?.
via twitter

9.

There are 50 year olds being micro managed for 8 hours at work everyday.
via twitter

10.

Tangled orange autumn leaves stuck on a car windshield with a view of a suburban street through the玻.
via twitter

11.

I use technology every day and I love it. 2026: I want a job as a park ranger that only needsa.
via twitter

12.

Unfourtunately I’m at work beefing with a 60+ year old woman but if it’s up then it’s up Geraldine!.
via twitter

13.

The way people act at work deserves its own Netflix documentary.
via twitter

14.

And for the lady… perhaps a low-stress, high-paying, part-time, creative, WFH job?.
via twitter

15.

An anonymous “vote to end meeting” button on teams that automatically ends the meeting when 50.
via twitter

16.

It has been 0 days since I accidentally downloaded the Zoom logo instead of joining.
via twitter

17.

Getting laid off and then thanking the company on LinkedIn is the lowest form of self-respect I’ve I.
via twitter

18.

I be laughing with my coworkers like we didn't all apply for the same position and become enemies.
via twitter

19.

New job guys!! screenshot of a rejection email stating I decline the refusal and will be starting on.
via twitter

20.

I was just informed by HR that “what’s up bitches?” is not an appropriate way to greet my coworkers.
via twitter

21.

Every day I do stuff, and every day there’s more stuff to do. Frankly, this is starting to feel like.
via twitter

22.

The longer you work in corporate,the stronger the urge to buy a farm and never open a laptop or hear.
via twitter

23.

I can’t call someone a dumb fuck at work, so instead I say, “walk me through your thought process”.
via twitter

24.

Payday used to feel like a celebration. now it's just me returning money to everyone who帮.
via twitter

25.

That coworker who knows everybody’s business but somehow has zero stories about themselves. The FBI须.
via twitter

26.

My manager, btw: Blue nipple gatorade while hungover feels like I’m being breastfed by a glacier.
via twitter

27.

Can you explain the gap in your resume? Yeah. I spent 10 months applying for jobs and couldn't get h.
via twitter

28.

We don’t need AI, what we need is the ability to turn a PDF back into a word doc without the formatt.
via twitter

29.

Controlling your anger at work is really a job.
via twitter

30.

You ever had a workplace experience in the past & looked back like dang, I should have consulted w/.
via twitter