40 Coworker Stories That Explain Why The Employee Handbook Is So Specific
Whenever a manager explains a rule that seems painfully obvious, I want to hear about the employee responsible for it. Somebody had to do something. You don’t put “please use the forklift only for work purposes” in writing for no good reason.
I’ve made mistakes at work. I’m willing to admit that. But there’s something comforting about hearing what other people consider a reasonable thing to do while they’re on the clock. Now my worst day at work feels like a manageable situation. I’ll bounce back.
These funny coworker stories come from people who witnessed a workplace decision so ridiculous that they’re still telling strangers about it.
1. The Company Cow Went For A Bike Ride
I worked at Chick-fil-A, and the kid in the cow costume decided to walk over to the nearby Walmart and ride bikes around while still in the costume. The manager called and was like, ‘Hey, do you know your cow is riding bicycles around in our store?’
2. The Forklift Became A Lunch Vehicle
I worked at Lowe’s. A guy got fired for driving the forklift to McDonald’s across the street to get a Big Mac.
3. The Private Chat Was On The Shared Screen
He opened a Skype window (yes, this was ~10 years ago) and started messaging me to talk crap about a person who was in the same call as us. He forgot he was sharing his screen.
4. The Tattoo Artist Needed A Spellchecker
I saw a tattooist I worked with tattoo ‘Laugh now, cry ladder’ across a guy’s chest. He was let go. A few years later, a guy came in with ‘Warior’ across his upper back in bold letters wanting it fixed. Same tattooist.
5. The First Day Came With A Drink Offer
At an old warehouse job, on this dude’s first day, he offered the general manager a cup of Hennessy he was drinking out of. I’ve never seen someone get fired faster.
6. The Nap Spot Was Twenty Feet In The Air
One of my former coworkers came into work seriously hungover. He told one of his buddies that he needed to sleep somewhere he wouldn’t get caught. Their plan? The hungover dude climbed into an empty watermelon bin, and his buddy used a forklift to put the bin on the third tier! The guy was sleeping in a bin 20 feet in the air! I guess they forgot there are cameras everywhere. Never saw them again.
jmacxjr
7. The Copier Got A Slice Of Pizza
A dude once photocopied a slice of pizza. We found cheese and stuff inside the machine for weeks. It was pretty funny, though.
8. The Superglue Demonstration Went Exactly As Before
A guy superglued himself to the component he was fixing twice. The second time, he was showing us how he had done it. Then, he superglued his eyelids together , all within half an hour.
9. The Shoe Boxes Looked Prettier This Way
I asked one of the new kids to stack the shoe department. Easy, but a bit boring. I showed her what to do: stack by brand, then size, with bigger at the bottom and smaller at the top. She decided to organize by the color of the boxes instead, because it looked prettier. It took me hours to fix that mess.
10. The Insult Went To The Wrong Person
A junior developer once sent me a chat message in his native language. I did not know what it said, but Google Translate is a thing, so I could see that he was saying some very unkind things about me. I did not let on that I knew; I just replied with ‘?.’ He was very apologetic and said it was intended for someone else. He was obviously hoping I did not know what it said. He asked me to ignore and delete it. I saved a screenshot instead.
11. The Food Prep Instructions Were Apparently Optional
They told the manager on duty, ‘I’m not the one eating it, so why should I care?’ while the manager was trying to explain to her how to correctly prepare a customer’s food.
12. The Bartender Decided It Was Haircut Time
He cut his hair at the bar. He was the bartender…
13. The Copier Toner Ended Up Everywhere
We had a sales assistant pry open a container of copier toner and try to pour it into the machine. Everything was covered in fine black powder, including her.
14. The Copier Could Not Handle The Joke
I was a receptionist once for a small town radio station. The morning show shock-jock guys always tried to one-up each other with dopey fratboy hijinks. One night, after most of us had gone home, one of the guys got wasted and thought it would be funny to copy his butt. He was not a small guy, and this was an old, brittle copy machine. Anyone who has seen Beavis and Butt-Head knows what happens next. He smashed the glass and nearly cut up his hiney. Then the boss made him cough up payments from his paycheck until we could get a new copier. Whoops.
baddaughter
15. The Filing Took Hours And Accomplished Very Little
She was a receptionist and sat at her desk right outside her boss’s office while reading a self-help book about dealing with awful coworkers. She’d ignore anyone who approached her until she finished what she was reading, including the company president. She would go downstairs to ‘file,’ but would either very obviously take a book and snacks with her, or would take her purse and leave the building for a couple of hours without telling anyone. Also, she’d spend hours a day ‘filing’ three documents. She wasn’t smart enough to hide it from anyone, either. You needed a key to enter the file room, and she’d leave it in the lock, which was a huge issue with confidential info (it was the legal department). There were stacks of files piled on the floor all the time because she couldn’t understand how to file in alphabetical order. When she got called out, she was mad at people for ‘disrespecting’ her, and then she rage-quit.
16. The New Manager Made A Terrible First Impression
The general manager, who was new to the company, walked in and told all the women they weren’t qualified to do their jobs. Sacked instantly.
17. The Raw Chicken Hands Went Straight For The Lettuce
I watched a woman with long, acrylic nails fish a raw chicken breast out of the marinade bucket with her bare hands, drop it on the grill, wipe her hands on her apron, and move to grab a fistful of lettuce with the same bare hands. She did not understand why this was a problem. She did not finish her shift.
18. The Floor Broom Became A Counter Cleaner
I watched a coworker of mine at a Pizza Hut (1976) clean off the food prep counter with a gross floor broom. He came into work after doing a hit of acid. The kitchen was open, so people at the tables could see the food being made. Someone saw him and yelled out to the other customers, and people started walking out. The place cleared out. Once the manager figured out what happened, he fired the guy on the spot.
19. The Wrong Coffee Order Went Into The Ice Bin
Another employee put the wrong cream and sugar measurements in a cup, and once they realized their mistake, they threw the cup’s contents into our ice bin and started over.
20. The Bathroom Break Required A Cigarette
Back when I worked at a pizza place, we had a new guy who lasted only a couple of days because he said he couldn’t poop without smoking a cigarette at the same time. We found out after he clearly smoked a cigarette in the bathroom.
21. The Microwave Made The Whole Floor Smell
A guy got his joint wet and thought he’d dry it in the microwave. It only took a few minutes for our floor to smell like a music festival.
ureallyannoyme
22. The Phone Rule Was Only Part Of The Problem
A coworker of mine was fired for using his cellphone in an electrically classified area. The cellphone wasn’t explosion-proof, not to mention that no cellphones were allowed on the floor. They gave him a warning the first time, and the second time, they walked him out. The worst part for him was that his wife found out he was talking to his girlfriend. Twenty years down the drain. As we liked to say, he fired himself.
23. The Airport Shortcut Ended In Arrests
My coworker took his girlfriend through a secure airport area to bypass screening before their flight. The airport was locked down, they were both arrested, and, of course, he was fired.
24. The Forklift Donuts Had An Audience
Someone did donuts on a forklift in front of the store and the store manager, all about 10 feet from customer cars and people. I have never seen someone get fired so fast.
25. The Cleaning Attempt Shut Down The Kitchen
A newer hire decided to clean the wall behind the fryers on a step ladder while leaning over the fryer bay. He didn’t fall in; rather, he triggered the fire system, dumping powdered chemicals all over the kitchen! The fire department had to come in to clear it, as they are called when it is triggered. Fortunately, it was a Monday and not the busiest day of the week, but I was able to salvage some sales by convincing the FD that I could still sell alcohol at the bar, which was nowhere near the kitchen. Back-of-house cleaned as best they could, but I had to call in professional cleaners in order for us to open the next day. So much food loss!
stephaniev23
26. The Closing Checklist Became Someone Else’s Problem
We had a baker at the donut shop I barista’ed for leave the stove on, leave the fryer on, and forgot sweet potatoes in the oven, and went home. We were smelling something weird and found them burnt to cinders. He never got fired because his mom worked for the company. I was the main closer, so I had to double-check everything to prevent the building from burning down.
nathanvh
27. The Phone Was More Interesting Than The Chemical Tank
I worked with a lot of hazardous chemicals. I had a coworker who was notorious for being on his phone. We had to use a pump to put a hazardous chemical into a tank. The problem was that you couldn’t look at the destination and pump the pump at the same time. Someone had to pump, and someone had to watch. So, I specifically asked that coworker not to look at his phone this ONE time. The tank overflowed and spilled the chemical everywhere because he was staring at his phone. It took hours to clean up.
28. The Mercury Spill Met A Vacuum Cleaner
I worked at a community college that taught auto and diesel mechanics. The department chair dropped and broke an old mercury thermometer. Mercury was in puddles all over the floor. He took a vacuum to clean it up. He didn’t understand why that was a problem.
bunmom
29. The Hot Glue Gun Was Used As A Head Scratcher
At one of my previous jobs, a guy thought it was a good idea to scratch his head with a hot glue gun. He had to shave his head. Another guy at another place was working with some drugs (pharmaceutical wholesaler company), and a bunch of powder spilled from one of the broken packs, and he thought it was a good idea to blow on it to clear it. Thing is, we work with narcotics and cytotoxic drugs, among others, so that could’ve potentially caused harm or even death (if it was fentanyl, for example).
30. The Evidence Disappeared But The Smell Did Not
Without any hesitation, this guy swallowed his joint to avoid detection as the manager came around the corner. The manager still smelled it, and he failed a drug test and was sacked, so it was all for nothing in the end.
31. The Monitor Test Was Visible Across The Office
A couple of contractors were given the job of testing large screen monitors that had been returned. They decided the best way to test them was by watching porn in a corporate environment. The best part of all was that they put the monitors up on a shelf, so they could be seen at quite a distance.
32. The First-Day Shirt Made Quite An Impression
On his first day, he wore a shirt that said ‘leg rest here’ with two arrows pointing to his shoulders.
33. The Gasoline Cleanup Became A Car Fire Stunt
In the late ’90s, I was a custodian at a New York City public school to pay for college. One of my coworkers accidentally spilled about 15 gallons of gasoline in the school parking lot. He didn’t want to get in trouble for spilling that much gas, so he thought the best course of action was to burn off the gasoline. Of course, gasoline burns with huge billows of black smoke, so he panicked and tried to put out the fire BY DRIVING HIS CAR OVER THE GIANT PUDDLE OF BURNING GASOLINE. The fire department showed up within minutes and saw him doing donuts in the giant fire. They spent a whole hour screaming at my coworker about how foolish he was.
34. The Fryer Fire Got A Bucket Of Water
I worked in the kitchen, and one of my colleagues forgot to put oil into the oil fryer, and he turned it on without noticing it. A fire shot up, and he stupidly put water on it. You know what happened next: bigger fire. Luckily, there were no injuries, just some black spots near the fryer wall.
35. The Fireworks Started A Fire Next To Work
I had a coworker who had been working there for A WEEK who decided to show up and set off fireworks next to the building where we worked. Besides that, alone, being illegal and a problem, we had a very dry season that year, and all the vegetation nearby was dried to a crisp. Next to the building was a tiny side parking lot two cars wide, and next to that was a hill covered in bushes, grass, leaves, trees, etc. A firework, I guess, landed in there and caught on fire. A few BIG fires started. They took off, zooming away. We had no idea a huge fire was burning right next to us because the wind blew the smoke the other way. We didn’t find out until people pulled in from the street to tell us, and people across the road called after they saw the flames.
The flames were eight feet high, eating up the dry vegetation like kindling. We called 911 and ran out with a fire extinguisher and put the fires out. Luckily, it was far enough away that it didn’t touch the building, but not by much. They could have burned the entire building down if the flames spread. They were fired pretty quickly. Security cams.
lalalace1640
36. The Forklift Started Launching Lumber
I watched a more experienced coworker at Home Depot unload three bunks of 16-foot lumber off a truck with a forklift all at once. The forklift lifted the bunks and pulled them out of the truck. The problem was that the forklift didn’t have enough counterweight, so once the bunks were free from the truck, it immediately and violently pitched forward until the forks and lumber slammed into the ground. The impact broke the bindings on the top two bunks, and they promptly spilled their contents onto the ground. The sudden loss of so much lumber meant that the remaining load was now light enough for the counterweight to offset, so within a second or two, the forklift snapped back into position, catapulting 16-foot pieces of lumber ten feet into the air in the process.
Since the forks were already extended 10 feet to begin with, there was lumber flying about 20 feet off the ground for a second there. The safety cage on the forklift saved the guy’s life that day.
ryann41
37. The Industrial Mixer Became A Ride
I worked in a restaurant that had a large mixer for baking. Imagine the KitchenAid one, but five feet tall. I watched one guy hang on to the mixing paddles while another guy turned on the mixer. The guy holding the paddles was thrown across the kitchen.
38. The Tweezers Went Into An Electrical Outlet
I once had a coworker who, with his bare hands, couldn’t resist sticking tweezers into an electrical outlet. I’ll repeat that: He stuck tweezers into an electrical outlet. His fingers were a little burned, and he had to leave for the day due to being nauseous. As far as I know, he still works there.
skisly
39. The Wontons Came Out Without A Basket
In high school, I worked at a Chinese restaurant taking orders and bussing tables. Another dude I vaguely knew from high school got hired there. He was a nice, popular dude, but he didn’t have much common sense. Within his first two weeks, he went to make himself some food (we were allowed to do that to a certain extent), and he dropped some wontons into the deep fryer. When he decided they were done, and as we were having a conversation, he just REACHED HIS HAND into the oil to retrieve them. I don’t think I even reacted for a moment or two, and then rushed forward. He somehow ALSO didn’t react for a moment or two before pulling his hand out and yelling out a cartoon-style ‘YEEOUCH!’ He went to the hospital…and quit the job.
40. The Fryer Oil Contest Ended At The Hospital
Had two coworkers who once had a ‘contest’ to see who could stick their hand in the hot fryer oil the longest. One just stuck a finger in and pulled it out; the other stuck his whole arm up to his elbow in and had to be taken to the ER. He tried to get workers’ comp, but he couldn’t because everyone who was working that night knew they were playing around.
whytetigress13