31 Funny Brain Farts That Were Somehow The Employee’s Problem
If I walk down the wrong aisle at the grocery store, I’ll look at one thing before I keep moving. I want the person working there to think I came in to check the price of mustard and decided to think about it. I don’t even need mustard.
The people in these funny stories have a level of confidence I can only dream of. Some of them get all the way to the counter, hear that they’re in the wrong place, and ask to speak to somebody else. Imagine being the manager who has to come out of the back and confirm what store you’re all standing in.
My favorite stories are the ones people told on themselves. It’s nice to know some of us make it out to the parking lot and think, “You know what? That one was on me.”
1. “Indeed it is. Can I get a Big Mac?”
I was working at McDonald’s, and this lady said, “Can I get the Wendy’s 4 for 4?” I said, “Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s,” and without a moment’s hesitation, she replied, “Indeed it is. Can I get a Big Mac?”
2. He brought two cups of evidence to the Starbucks drive-thru.
Had a guy INSIST that I made his sweet teas wrong yesterday. He said he had the cups from the day before to prove it. I work at Starbucks. This man pulls up to my window and confidently sets down two half-full McDonald’s sweet teas. Sir, this is a Starbucks.
3. “This is an apple store. Like… crunch crunch?”
When I was about 12 or 13, I saved up my allowance and neighborhood yard work money to finally afford the newest iPod, the one that could play videos as well. I wanted to make sure they had it at the store before I got my parents to drive me there, so I opened the phone book, found the Apple Store, and called them.
Guy at Apple Store: “Hello?”
Me: “Hi, do you have the iPod Video in stock?”
Guy: “Uh… this is an apple store. Like… crunch crunch?”
I had called the gift shop at an apple orchard.
4. She was convinced the museum was hiding its fried chicken.
I work at a museum gift shop. I once had a lady come in asking to be seated for four people, thinking we were a restaurant famous for chicken dinners. I explained what we were, and that she was looking for the place four doors down. She immediately got mad at me, saying I was hiding the chicken from her and that she was positive she ate here last year when they were in town (even though our museum had existed for about 40 years at this point, so that was not possible).
It took her several minutes to leave, and even then, she still didn’t believe that we weren’t a chicken restaurant, despite having the word “museum” on our building and not a dead fried bird in sight.
5. “You’re the same store!”
I worked at Best Buy. I was part of Geek Squad, with a counter adjoining Customer Service, and I heard this whole thing go down. A lady comes in irate about her laptop being slow (it’s a netbook, so yeah, it’s slow). Our customer service manager is there, and she’s going through the wringer trying to find this lady’s receipt. She checked every card, every name, every phone number.
Finally, the manager is like, “If you know the day you bought it, I can search the cash receipts, but it would have to be from this store.”
The lady goes, “Oh, I didn’t buy it here.”
The manager says, “OK, which Best Buy did you get it from?”
The lady says, “I got it at Walmart.”
“You can’t return something you bought at Walmart to Best Buy.”
The lady goes, “What do you mean? You’re the same store!”
6. The pottery studio got a one-star review for running out of bread it never sold.
I used to work at a well-established paint-your-own-pottery studio with the word “bakers” in the name. Think “The Pottery Bakers.” Our windows were FILLED with pottery for sale, and the walls were lined with white bisque to be painted.
A woman came in and asked, “Do you have any baguettes?”
Me: “Baguettes?”
Her: “What else do you have?”
I looked around at the full room of people in smocks painting pottery, then looked back at her.
Her, with bizarre urgency: “Do you have any bread available?”
Me: “Ma’am, we are a pottery studio. We bake pottery. I do not have any bread.”
The next day, she left us a one-star review claiming that our store name was deliberately misleading so that we could lure people in to visit under the “false pretenses” of being a bakery of breads.
7. “Well, unlike you, I actually have a job!”
Had a guy come into my place of work, ticked off because he missed his payment date and had to pay extra to turn his phone back on. He said something along the lines of, “It was due at midnight, and y’all aren’t open at midnight, so how was I supposed to pay?”
I calmly explained that we are open until 7:00 p.m. every day but Sunday, and he screamed, “Well, unlike you, I actually have a job!”
At my job. Whilst doing my job.
8. He made it through his whole Volkswagen rant at the Nissan dealership.
I was sitting in the waiting lounge of the service department at my car dealership getting an oil change when a red-faced man THREW the door open and stormed up to the service desk. He immediately started shouting and swearing about how he was sick and tired of the dealership and how they did business. He said, “If I had known what a terrible business this was, I would’ve never bought a Volkswagen. I’m sorry I ever bought it.”
The service advisor looked at him and said, “The VW dealership is next door. This is a NISSAN dealership.”
The man stood there for a second, processing. Then, he just let out a ROAR and ran out the door. Everyone looked at each other with wide eyes.
9. She wanted a refund because her hot fudge sundae was melting.
I worked in an ice cream shop when I was 16 or 17, and I had a lady scream at us, demanding a refund because her ice cream was melting too fast. She had ordered hot fudge on it.
10. The gas station actually knew how to get a library card.
I worked at a gas station when I was 19. People called to ask about the lottery, gas prices, etc. I always said the same thing when I answered, to make sure they knew which of our locations they had called, because there were quite a few nearby, and people got them mixed up.
“Thank you for calling [gas station] in [town]. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”
The phone rings. I recite my lines. The person asked, “What do I need to get a library card?”
I was perplexed, but I had literally just gotten one a week earlier, so technically, I did know.
“Um, I mean, when I got mine, I needed to show ID, but then I also needed a current piece of mail to reflect my current address.”
A pause, as she recognized my confusion. “Is this not the library in [town 45 MINUTES AWAY]?”
“No, this is a gas station.”
11. “What is this place? Walmart?”
I worked at Walmart for a long time in the hardware department. I once had a customer call asking if we sold toilets. I said, “Like, toilet seats?”
He said, “No, like actual toilets.”
So I said, “Sorry, we just sell the seats and replacement parts. No porcelain.”
He got all huffy and said, “What is this place? Walmart?”
I paused momentarily and said, “Yes, sir, it is.”
Silence for a long moment. Then, he said, in a little voice, “This isn’t Home Depot?”
“No, sir, you called Walmart.”
“Oh, I am so sorry!”
He hung up. I laughed my butt off.
12. She called the fire station to get her pool filled.
I had someone call my fire station and ask us to come fill up her pool.
Her: “I need you to come and fill up my pool, please.”
Me: “Uh, ma’am, we do not do that. We are a fire department.”
Her: “Well, who am I supposed to call to have my pool filled up? You guys have the water trucks.”
Me: “I am not totally sure, ma’am, but once again, we are a fire department. Our fire engines use their water for emergencies, not to fill pools.”
Her: “Well, my taxes pay for your salary and vehicles, so you need to come fill up my pool!”
Me: “I am sorry, but we cannot do that. Have a good day, ma’am.”
It was ridiculous and hilarious. I could not believe the entitlement!
13. “When do you turn the geysers on?”
I worked in a national park. I was asked when we turn the geysers on. I was also asked when we let the bears out for viewing. Ma’am, this isn’t an amusement park.
14. The rotisserie chicken guy got pulled into an underwear emergency.
I worked at Sam’s Club during the height of the pandemic. The toilet paper wars were raging, and every beef and pork product had been out of stock for days. I was the rotisserie chicken guy, so basically the only money-maker in the meat department.
I was performing the never-ending grease cleaning routine that took up my time while the chickens cooked, and a dude in his 50s or 60s frantically came up to me and asked, “WHAT SIZE UNDERWEAR AM I WEARING?!”
Before I could respond, he turned around and flipped the elastic band of his tighty-whities at me. He was a medium. He thanked me and speed-walked toward the clothing section. I guess men’s underwear was in danger of disappearing that day.
15. He figured the barber chairs were behind all the stained glass lamps.
This barbershop in my local mall closed down and was replaced with a place that sold stained glass lamps and figurines and mini fountains. My husband did not realize this and still insisted on entering the shop and asking for a haircut, even though you could clearly see it was no longer a barbershop, and I told him as much.
He thought the barber chairs must just be in the back, and the front of the store was just a gift shop, for some reason. I refused to enter the store with him on this quest, out of embarrassment, and now, 10 years later, it’s still something we laugh about. He’s never done anything like that before or since, so I don’t know what switch turned off in his brain in that moment.
16. “You need to be willing to negotiate. That’s how flea markets work.”
I was an associate working in the Cracker Barrel store, and a woman came in and was interested in one of our lamps. It was $100. She offered me $30 for it, and I told her I could only sell it at the ticketed price. She offered to go up to $50. I told her again that I could only sell it at the ticketed price.
Her response: “You need to be willing to negotiate. That’s how flea markets work.”
And then I had to explain, politely because she was a customer, that we were a regular retail store and not, in fact, a flea market. It took more explaining than it should have. She did not buy the lamp.
17. “I can get steak at Taco Bell!”
When I worked at McDonald’s, someone came in and demanded steak. It was a McDonald’s. He demanded to see a manager, who helpfully informed him this was a McDonald’s.
“I can get steak at Taco Bell!” he claimed.
Then go to Taco Bell?
18. A phone scammer accidentally called a judge’s chambers.
I work as a law clerk for a judge, and a scammer called my chambers, doing the classic “I’m trying to reach the property owner for blah blah blah because you might be entitled to a government tax rebate.”
I responded, “This is the 15th Division of the First Circuit Court. You know that, right?”
He hung up immediately.
19. “Carrots, like for cooking.”
A woman came into our store and asked where the carrots were. We thought maybe it was a new brand we hadn’t heard of yet, so we asked her to clarify.
“Carrots, like for cooking,” she said.
I wonder what part of walking into an electronics store and seeing computers everywhere made her go, “Yeah, this store definitely has produce somewhere.”
20. The liquor store got an angry review over a flat tire.
A guy came into my liquor store and asked if we could help change his tire. We didn’t change his tire, and he left one real angry online review.
21. He waited 10 minutes at Ulta for a pair of shoes.
While working at Ulta, there was a guy in the store for, like, 10 minutes waiting while I tried to find something his girlfriend had put on hold, only to realize he meant to go to the shoe store next door. Until I asked him what his girlfriend had wanted and he said, “Shoes,” he never once stopped to think about the fact that there was nothing even remotely resembling a shoe for sale in the entire store.
22. One guy had the wrong restaurant. The other had the wrong state.
I worked to-go at Ruby Tuesday, and countless people came in yelling about their food. These were my favorite two.
A man was furious we didn’t have his food ready and just immediately started yelling at me. I politely asked what he ordered and said I’d get it ready ASAP. He started listing menu items we don’t have, and on a hunch, I said, “Did you mean to go to Applebee’s?”
He said, “Yeah. Where am I?”
“Not Applebee’s,” I said.
A guest was mad about their order, which we didn’t have any record of, and swore up and down that they spoke to someone on the phone to confirm. I asked for the phone number he called to confirm. He called a city in Colorado with the same name. We were in Maryland. Neither one apologized.
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23. The office breakfast came to more than $100.
A lady I used to work with was sent to go get breakfast for the office. She was told to go to McDonald’s and get a bunch of sausage biscuits or something. She goes through the drive-thru and orders. The price was over $100, and she didn’t think that was quite right, so she finally put it together that she was not, in fact, at McDonald’s. She was at Starbucks. She never goes to Starbucks as it is, but they were also pretty far apart and don’t look even remotely similar. It was pretty funny.
24. The pharmacy got a visit from someone who needed an exterminator.
Many years ago, I worked as a pharmacy tech for a big chain. One day, this lady came up to the counter and asked me if I could help her. She reached into her purse, grabbed a bag, and opened it for me to see. I looked in and saw a bag full of bugs. Many were dead, but a few were moving.
She goes on to tell me that she “found” these bugs in her car, home, food, hair, and inside her (whatever that means). I quickly realized this was above my pay grade, so I called my pharmacist for a consultation. I hid and eavesdropped on their conversation. My pharmacist told her we’re a pharmacy, and she needed to call an exterminator.
25. She wanted someone at Lowe’s to start building her deck that morning.
I was in Lowe’s one morning right after they opened. A woman at the service desk was having a complete meltdown, yelling and screaming because Lowe’s didn’t have a licensed contractor there at the store for her to hire.
She apparently woke up that morning and decided she needed a deck that same day, and she thought she could just go to Lowe’s and have someone start building a deck immediately. It was dead, so I stood with the cashier listening to the show. They had to call the police to get her to leave.
26. She wanted Chick-fil-A to make an exception for one Whopper.
My brother was working at Chick-fil-A in the drive-thru. A guest asked for a Whopper with cheese. My brother said, “Ma’am, this isn’t a Burger King. We only have chicken sandwiches.”
She started screaming at him and asked why he couldn’t just make it. He told her they didn’t have beef anywhere in the store. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, and the manager had to come out.
27. The tax office was the first door he tried.
I work for a CPA office in an office park with a couple of doctors’ offices. One day, a guy came in, only speaking Spanish, so I grabbed my Spanish-speaking colleague to translate. He talked to the guy in the lobby for a few minutes, then the guy left, and my coworker came back and asked if that was a joke or if we put someone up to that.
Apparently, the guy explained that his testicles were extremely swollen and painful. He was looking for one of the doctors’ offices and just walked into the first building in the complex. Sir, we do taxes here, not testicles.
28. She was convinced Ulta was holding out on the Sephora gift cards.
I used to work at Ulta, and I had someone get super upset that I couldn’t sell them a Sephora gift card. Even after explaining in multiple ways that we were two different companies, they were convinced I was just refusing them because I could. It was bizarre.
29. He called Verizon about a downed power line.
When I worked for a Verizon call center, I used to have so many of these stories. The only one I can remember is when it took me over five minutes to convince a man that I could do nothing about power lines being down near his house. He apparently even had a separate landline service that did actually run lines in his neighborhood, but no, he was adamant that his cellphone carrier could just get that fixed. People also somehow believed that all tech support lines are the same, and seemed disappointed that we couldn’t help them fix major appliances.
The weirdest things I get now are the occasional people convinced that a pharmacy located in a grocery store can sell them mobility power chairs or just give them antibiotics without a prescription. Maybe somewhere in the world, my guy, but that’s literally never been a thing in the US medical system.
30. He blamed Kmart’s downfall on the pet aisle.
I used to work for Kmart. Someone came into the store and wanted to know where the pet department was located. We only had one aisle of pet items, and it was mostly items for dogs and cats (food, litter, toys, etc.). I took the customer to the aisle, and they said, “This is it? This is all you have for pet supplies? You don’t have an actual department, like other stores?”
I said, “Yes, sir. We just carry the basics. If you need a bigger selection, there is a Pet Supplies Plus located at the other end of the plaza.”
The customer got upset and said, “But if I wanted to go to Pet Supplies Plus, I would have gone there. But I wanted to go to Kmart. So, I’m guessing you don’t have fish food or anything like that?”
I showed him the same selection of fish food, and he got upset.
He then started asking for advice on fish tanks, and again, I directed him to the Pet Supplies Plus that was located just a couple of storefronts down from Kmart. When he insisted on not going to that store, I gave him directions to two other pet stores in the area.
Eventually, he left, but not before saying, “This is why Kmart is going out of business!” Sure, buddy, the lack of a pet department is the sole reason Kmart is going out of business.
31. He orders a Whopper at Whataburger every time.
My husband asks for a Whopper every time we go to Whataburger, and it never fails to crack me up. 💀 I just let him do it too because it is so genuine and I love hearing them say they don’t do Whoppers there, LOL.