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25 Funniest Tweets Of The Day For Your Regularly Scheduled Distraction

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Nate ArmbrusterByNate Armbruster

I don’t think every break needs to be earned. Sometimes you’ve been awake for several hours, and that should count for something. It’s time to take five.

The trouble is that taking a break now requires choosing what kind of break to take. A walk sounds nice until you remember your shoes are in the other room. Making a snack creates dishes, which brings us right back to where we started.

Luckily, some very funny people have already done the work for this particular distraction. Here are the funniest tweets we spotted today. Your open tabs will still be there when you’re done.

1.

Gotta enroll for a phd degree to stay on the spotify student plan.
via twitter

2.

Opening a movie theater that electrocuts you if you pull your phone out.
via twitter

3.

You cannot unmountain dew what has already been mountain done.
via twitter

4.

If i attend your halloween party dressed as her it means i won’t be staying long.
via twitter

5.

When i accidentally close my 55 tabs it's like the burning of the library of alexandria, but worse.
via twitter

6.

Tuesday is just monday leaving the body.
via twitter

7.

Keara Sullivan tweet about people tacking ‘and unusual’ on the term ‘cruel and unusual punishment’.
via twitter

8.

Mariana Z tweet about buying stick figure decals and adding family members to car windows; image of.
via twitter

9.

Tweet by Jafrin showing text: Due to inflation I'm downgrading from ADHD to AD720p with ads.
via twitter

10.

Alan Felyk tweet about weighing whether he needs a phone when dropping it under the driver's seat.
via twitter

11.

Thomas Carriere tweet: Taco Bell not doing “Steal a Base, Steal a Taco” for the World Series is a Re.
via twitter

12.

High risk, high reward text over blue LEGO-like base with white plastic ship model placed on it.
via twitter

13.

Mr. Beast’s newest challenge is he will pay $500,000 to any person that can eat British food every ‑.
via twitter

14.

First person to throw something at the wall and have it stick: damn, that was a great idea.
via twitter

15.

Being a baby must be wild. You fall asleep crapping yourself in the living room, and then wake up in.
via twitter

16.

I tried booking a room in Miami and they have an $600 incidental deposit. I called to get more info,.
via twitter

17.

When you vote you should get a bar code that you input into your TV and it turns off political ads.
via twitter

18.

I bought my friend an elephant for their room. They said "Thank you." I said "Don't mention it.".
via twitter

19.

Really feeling the need for a vacation. It's so important to just get away and look at.
via twitter

20.

The Notorious J.O.V. tweet: I thought professor snape stepped up.
via twitter

21.

Normalize cutting the tension in a meeting by ending it with, “We’re all gonna die oneday.
via twitter

22.

Experts say you should wait 60-90 minutes after waking up before drinking coffee. But here’s the— No.
via twitter

23.

A haunted house where your boss endlessly says, “We’ll circle back,” room after room, until you lose.
via twitter

24.

Terrible day for the colorblind. Logan Airport’s newly renovated bathrooms have a simple upgrade: a.
via twitter

25.

Just found out from my doctor that after years of abusing my body with bad food and drugs, my chol—?.
via twitter
Nate Armbruster

Nate is a writer and stand-up comedian living in Chicago. He enjoys finding the internet’s funniest corners so you don’t have to.