Every day can be halloween if you’re haunted by your own life choices.

28 Funniest Tweets Of The Day For One Last Distraction Before The Weekend

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Nate ArmbrusterByNate Armbruster

Halloween Eve is a good time to find out whether you bought candy for trick-or-treaters or just bought yourself a large bag of candy in early October. I had every intention of saving it. Unfortunately, I live here and know where it is.

Tomorrow, people will put the finishing touches on their costumes while someone else just throws on a flannel shirt and calls themselves a lumberjack.

For now, it’s Friday, Halloween is tomorrow, and there’s still time to buy replacement candy without anyone knowing.

Enjoy the funniest tweets of the day while you figure out your costume.

1.

Matt Bead's tweet about the power of being first to emoji react a slack message, setting the tone; .
via twitter

2.

Not Today Eric tweet: Parents now: make sure you check your candy for peanuts. Parents when I was a.
via twitter

3.

Told my roommate who I absolutely never want to hang out with that I had no Halloween plans right be.
via twitter

4.

Having my own personal "white people be like" moment. Im going rock climbing with my dentist.
via twitter

5.

I hate DC Halloween what do you mean you’re a duck lobbying for foie gras.
via twitter

6.

I’m going to start calling and texting the Dr. a week before to remind them of my upcomi.
via twitter

7.

1 minute left. Me, loads the dishwasher, vacuums, cleans fridge, makes dinner.
via twitter

8.

If i picked up a cig at a halloween party and its a damn pretzel i’m stealing a tv.
via twitter

9.

My 10 year old: “if you’re ugly on the outside just wear make up. If you’re ugly on the inside just,.
via twitter

10.

Me when i was 7 and put my moms headbands on my eyes and pretended to be cyclops from x-men.
via twitter

11.

When your colleague brings candy corn in for a treat, return the favour with fruit cake during the h.
via twitter

12.

“Half a dozen” is such a sensationalized way to say 6.
via twitter

13.

I’m crying who is this intended for hobby lobby is so interesting I refuse to become a nugget image.
via twitter

14.

Every day can be halloween if you’re haunted by your own life choices.
via twitter

15.

Edward Sanchez tweet: Omg this!! You're a real PNG file, right? Why would I deceive you?.
via twitter

16.

Also, pro tip if you want to leave a bucket of candy out there with a 'Please take one only' sign.If.
via twitter

17.

If i woke up as a worm i'd probably still check my phone first.
via twitter

18.

Emma jean tweet: 'Rough night for me in the gc' with a chat screenshot showing a blue message: 'Didy.
via twitter

19.

I want to get transition lenses that get darker the longer someone talks to you.
via twitter

20.

Self service barbershop called No One Is Coming To Shave You.
via twitter

21.

Whisked eggs really poorly today.
via twitter

22.

The oldest people in the world are at the bank performing the most elaborate transactions.
via twitter

23.

I bet it feels insane to catch a train at the shrimp station.
via twitter

24.

Adam Threezee's tweet about Nelly Furtado song I'm Like a Bird with lines: I'm not insured / I'll oN.
via twitter

25.

If the Keurig knows when I need to fill its water what else does it know?.
via twitter

26.

Ari Schulman tweet about Cheesecake Factory and various -ism phrases on a white background.
via twitter

27.

Just got hospitalized for my spongebob addiction. They put me in the squid ward.
via twitter

28.

I bought Halloween candy two weeks early as a test of character. It's the 29th, and I've failed once.
via twitter
Nate Armbruster

Nate is a writer and stand-up comedian living in Chicago. He enjoys finding the internet’s funniest corners so you don’t have to.