My cat choosing to puke on the hardwood floor rather than on the carpet is a sign of great respect.

40 Funniest Tweets Of October 2026, Because It Was A Long Month

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October is a great month for people who enjoy buying things with the intention of becoming a different person. My wife already wanted to visit an orchard, since I’ve never needed that many apples. Me? Not so much.

I like the ambition. Every fall, I believe I’m gonna become someone who makes soup on purpose.

Mostly, though, I did what I do every month: looked at my phone and found funny things to send people who were probably trying to get something done.

These are the funniest tweets from October 2026, collected in one place before November arrives and I start pretending I’m going to get my Christmas shopping done early.

1.

Deleting Instagram did NOTHING to improve my productivity. I now doomsroll on Google Maps.
via twitter

2.

I’m all nervous no system.
via twitter

3.

Tweet about thinking I had a lens wipe in my pocket and ended up pulling out and opening a packet of.
via twitter

4.

BEYONCÉ FINE COUSIN tweet: Adulating is putting back a pack of chicken for $11.58 because you see.
via twitter

5.

I don’t mind sharing a wall with my male neighbor but I hate hearing him laugh. What’s so funny, the.
via twitter

6.

Sorry that I haven't posted for a few days, I've been opening a packet of sliced ham.
via twitter

7.

My cat choosing to puke on the hardwood floor rather than on the carpet is a sign of great respect в.
via twitter

8.

Listen to your body. My body: Delete Microsoft Teams. Delete Outlook. Lie down for 8–10 hours. Touch.
via twitter

9.

Hadas Weiss tweet: i’m going to a higher level of abstraction if anyone needs anything.
via twitter

10.

'Don't you dare' sounds perfectly normal but 'do not you dare' sounds ridiculous which is insane.
via twitter

11.

Favorite coworker just bit our manager it was a good run bro.
via twitter

12.

I think when you’re overstimulated you should appear kind of grayed out and no one should be able to.
via twitter

13.

Being a baby must be terrifying. Imagine going to sleep in your house & you wake up at Walmart.
via twitter

14.

There’s a guy on IG who pours a whole pack of sugar on an ant hill to “give them sudden wealth, care.
via twitter

15.

Mom just called to make sure I didn't misinterpret something she said on a phone call 4 days ago.
via twitter

16.

I do think Friday is closer friends with Thursday but likes to be seen with Saturday.
via twitter

17.

People my age: i need to get serious about settling down and starting a family Me: i need to get ser.
via twitter

18.

Every day I do stuff, and every day there’s more stuff to do. Frankly, this is starting.
via twitter

19.

Liste tweet image showing text: 'Just found out about recency bias. Maybe the most important bias ev.
via twitter

20.

Yes, my husband leaves a lot of mugs upstairs, but if he brought them all down and we cleaned them,.
via twitter

21.

Weddings are so fun because you get to see what meal you were in the mood for six months ago.
via twitter

22.

My kids think their lives are so hard, but they never had someone pick up the phone when they were 1.
via twitter

23.

At this point, the least realistic thing about the Hunger Games is the high speed rail travel.
via twitter

24.

Jill Gutowitz tweet about group chat reactions and The Reactor, with a blue frame border.
via twitter

25.

Kadin's tweet about her mom's Subway ban lifted; managers brought the crew to wait for her to walk.
via twitter

26.

Truly groundbreaking savings at Walmart: display of fresh vegetables with price signage in store.
via twitter

27.

All it takes is one good idea, some delusional friends and a Chinese supplier.
via twitter

28.

Shopping at Ross is like do you want an Ed Hardy branded Pregnancy test.
via twitter

29.

Matt Griswold asks Uber for a car; text includes humorous exchange about finding a real.
via twitter

30.

Mariana Z tweet about not returning to original weight, 7 lbs 5 oz, not realistic, okay with that.
via twitter

31.

My phone is always in my hand so if you think i'm ignoring you, i am.
via twitter

32.

Mercury is not even in retrograde yet and my WiFi went out and I got a flat tire.
via twitter

33.

Hey man sorry I’m late. I had to google a bunch of stuff that makes me anxious.
via twitter

34.

Sometimes “very good question” is the only answer I have for you.
via twitter

35.

You get all of your good ideas in the shower because you're not on your phone in there.
via twitter

36.

The best part of being married is getting to say "let me check with my wife" about something you...
via twitter

37.

You ever get an email and you're like "this is a laptop email" or "this is a phone email".
via twitter

38.

My boyfriend made his childhood struggle meal for me one day so I could see what it was like, but I,.
via twitter

39.

People who scream sneeze need their own island.
via twitter

40.

Peak ragebait is my WiFi telling me “connected, no internet”.
via twitter