Sixfootcandy tweet about bringing items to Thanksgiving with vague response.

25 Funny Tweets That Made The Internet Worth Opening Today

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Friday afternoon is a dangerous time to ask me to care about something. You had all week. Unless there’s water coming through the ceiling or you’re asking what I want for dinner, we can probably revisit this on Monday.

I still have things to do, of course. Being an adult means finishing one task and remembering six others. I went to put away laundry earlier and ended up looking at my car insurance.

For now, I’m taking a break with a few funny tweets. The laundry has been sitting there long enough to understand that this is who I am.

1.

Tweet by Adam @_dams0n about Panda Express coworker jokingly mentioning extra support and Orange you.

2.

Tweet on blurred gradient background: realized customer service wasn’t for me when a lady on the phn.

3.

Tweet by dana donnelly about husband watching her eat breakfast burrito and fearing he will spill on.

4.

My family asked what I’m bringing to Thanksgiving. Apparently “a few things I’d like to address” was.

5.

Let me call the whale and ask—screenshot of a text chat about a humpback whale in the Hudson River.

6.

Sammy Rhodes tweet about Trader Joe's comparison to a friend who studied abroad and made it their整个性.

7.

My son saw me putting on concealer under my eyes and said, 'why are you doing that?' I said, 'It...

8.

Every family has one Tupperware lid that doesn't fit anything. We've moved three times. The lidcomes.

9.

Posting on linkedin should affect your credit score.

10.

Things horses are afraid of: plastic bags rustling in a light breeze, a tree they’ve walked by a b­­.

11.

John's tweet about hotel stay with loyalty reward of two 355ml water bottles in branded paper bag.

12.

When your email can't find me.

13.

I don’t trust a restaurant with a 12-page menu. Nobody’s that good at that many things. You make las.

14.

Tweet by kaylee @DietCokeVEVO about seeing a guy on the bus search "animal noises" and watching him,.

15.

I tapped my Uber driver on the shoulder and he screamed and swerved into a tree. I said, “You’re a l.

16.

Tweet by Jade Francomb: "Microwaves be like: here is your hot plate of cold rice....".

17.

Not Today Eric tweet showing: My favorite part about going to bed early is being awake until midnigh.

18.

One day you buy q-tips and you think son of a bitch that's a lot of fuckin q-tips and then five, ten.

19.

Shaved whole body for this - person holding a burrito-like wrap in paper.

20.

What was it like growing up in the 90s? Me: Everything smelled like cucumber melon but the.

21.

Tweet by Sabrina @neu_rot_ic: giving myself a 500 calories reward for burning 100 calories.

22.

I'm sorry for what I did when every one of my neighbors was running their leaf blower at the same t.

23.

Bob Golen's tweet: 'My bluetooth speaker wasn't working so I threw it in the creek. So now it's syn​.

24.

Nooooooooooooooo! Tweet by Mark Lyon showing a notification badge from Microsoft 365 saying You have.

25.

Tweet by Marty Fields: Everyone is all against alcohol and sugar now. But who was there when your f.