Jeff Wysaski
“Break his legs, boy! Yeah, break ’em! Ooh that’s gotta hurt…great, now reach in there and get ya some candy” – Cousin Vito watching the piñata festivities
“Hey boy, no whining. Socks are a great birthday present. A kid always needs socks – you can stuff ’em into the mouths of any hostage who tries to mouth off. Now thank your grandmother before I shove one in your mouth” – Don Paisano disciplines the birthday boy
“Who wants to play shoot the tail off the donkey?” – Fat Vinnie, party planner
You laughing at me? You laughing at ME!? Do I look like a clown to you!? DO I!? Well good, because that’s what I am – now who wants a balloon animal?” Uncle Carlo, dressed as a clown
Hey boy, be careful rolling around in the dirt like that. You’ll ruin your double-breasted suit.” – The Godfather
“Who wants birthday cannoli?” – Carmela Paisano, birthday boy’s mother
“Say hello to my little friend” – the birthday boy introduces “Short Sammy” to his cousins.
“Mamma Mia! It’s-a Luigi – out on parole!” – Uncle Mario, upon seeing Uncle Luigi walking up the driveway
——
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include: