Mike
Got a good list of tweets for you all today. Hope you like them. I picked ’em myself.
https://twitter.com/WigCannon/status/692533302738186242
https://twitter.com/karate_horse/status/703693829145272320
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Or braised. I've enjoyed it baked too. Can't go wrong with Fried Revenge. The point is I'm mad at you.
— greg (@GrowlyGrego) March 25, 2015
Do you even shelter your assets in shady tax havens, bro?
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) April 5, 2016
If you wait until the last minute, you only have to do it for that minute
— cassieramoska (@cramoska) January 7, 2016
*tries to act cool but calls it vaporing*
— Mrs. Donald Darko (@LadyBroseph) June 6, 2015
To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.
— Batrick McLellan (@SirPatMcLellan) January 7, 2013
When you let your mom cut your hair and she tells you what a handsome young man you are pic.twitter.com/pN7JHLuQ7O
— ghost mom (@radtoria) December 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/tigersgoroooar/status/627139210433175552
Just texted my mom a photo of some balls and she replied with another pic of balls so quickly that I'm starting to think they were my dad's
— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) March 31, 2016
https://twitter.com/hello_saylor/status/717016160865095680
In 34 years I've said I love you to two women and every dog I've ever seen.
— Matt Monroe (@heymonroe) April 1, 2016
"Fred, do you believe in ghosts?"
[I glance over to my all-ghost little league team & give them a thumbs up]
"I sure do"— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) May 18, 2015
https://twitter.com/Sarcasticsapien/status/696663321076830208
They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their jobs.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 2, 2014