Mike
These tweets will make you smile, maybe laugh, possibly be so hilarious they drive you mad. Enjoy.
MILLENNIAL: omg the line at starbucks is so long lol
BOOMER: a racoon died in the well & we all got ass fever. the king stole our best goat— elon mustard (@nice_mustard) December 9, 2016
https://twitter.com/mikefossey/status/817217101786189825
https://twitter.com/sarahjoyshockey/status/649950474980970496
https://twitter.com/AlexRogaski/status/745748492803407874
Just settled a divorce over Parrot custody/visitation. Neither may teach it negative phrases abt the other.
I went to law school for this.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 15, 2016
The whole internet loves Milkshake Duck, a lovely duck that drinks milkshakes! *5 seconds later* We regret to inform you the duck is racist
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) June 12, 2016
https://twitter.com/rachelle_mandik/status/733273210838474753
[gets out of tanning bed with a grilled cheese sandwich]
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) January 2, 2017
https://twitter.com/joeyalison/status/815087188413026304
Santa's reindeer Comet still has bad dreams about the time he killed the dinosaurs
— knth (@painted_eel) December 17, 2016
Special Buy Nothing Day Sale!! Great Deals On: [ HOLES | VOIDS | SILENCE | NUMBNESS ] whisper coupon code "hello?" into a disconnected phone
— nattie winters (@UtilityLimb) November 25, 2011
I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The piñata is unscathed.
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) May 3, 2015
Age 15: someday I'm going to own a Ferrari
Age 20: maybe I'll get a BMW someday
Age 25: I hope someone in a Mercedes hits me in a crosswalk— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 9, 2015
when you've only had 2 beers and your friends drag you onto the dance floor pic.twitter.com/Pe2oJaGwXe
— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) September 4, 2015
i dont know WHAT they've been teaching you in school but in THIS house we stand for the anthem and we jump around for the song jump around
— capitalism liker (@HumanPog) December 13, 2016