15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read
These tweets will make you smile, maybe laugh, possibly be so hilarious they drive you mad. Enjoy.
MILLENNIAL: omg the line at starbucks is so long lol
BOOMER: a racoon died in the well & we all got ass fever. the king stole our best goat— elon mustard (@nice_mustard) December 9, 2016
https://twitter.com/mikefossey/status/817217101786189825
I periodically look up from my desk with a little smile in case someone is filming sitcom credits
— 🌬 Sarah Joy Shockey 🎐 (@sarahjoyshockey) October 2, 2015
https://twitter.com/AlexRogaski/status/745748492803407874
Just settled a divorce over Parrot custody/visitation. Neither may teach it negative phrases abt the other.
I went to law school for this.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 15, 2016
https://twitter.com/pixelatedboat/status/741904787361300481
beware diet advice that recommends "eating light," for that is most certainly the way you become a black hole
— rachelle mandik 🕳 (@rachelle_mandik) May 19, 2016
[gets out of tanning bed with a grilled cheese sandwich]
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) January 2, 2017
https://twitter.com/joeyalison/status/815087188413026304
Santa's reindeer Comet still has bad dreams about the time he killed the dinosaurs
— knth (@painted_eel) December 17, 2016
Special Buy Nothing Day Sale!! Great Deals On: [ HOLES | VOIDS | SILENCE | NUMBNESS ] whisper coupon code "hello?" into a disconnected phone
— nattie winters (@UtilityLimb) November 25, 2011
https://twitter.com/SirEviscerate/status/594669217896599553
Age 15: someday I'm going to own a Ferrari
Age 20: maybe I'll get a BMW someday
Age 25: I hope someone in a Mercedes hits me in a crosswalk— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 9, 2015
when you've only had 2 beers and your friends drag you onto the dance floor pic.twitter.com/Pe2oJaGwXe
— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) September 4, 2015
i dont know WHAT they've been teaching you in school but in THIS house we stand for the anthem and we jump around for the song jump around
— capitalism liker (@HumanPog) December 13, 2016