15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read

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Tweets, tweets everywhere, so let’s all have a laugh.

Last Week’s Funny Tweets–>

33 responses to 15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read

      1. i once got a pizza from lil caesar’s that had nine slices. i chalked that up to the fact that they have no idea how pizza.

        Reply

  2. Oh man, that House Hunters tweet described my whole damn life. While I continue struggling to make my rent and maintain a grocery budget of like 60 dollars a month, I keep looking people around me who I know for a fact do not earn that much more than I, and I wonder, “How do you always have money??”

    Why are there people who are eight years younger than I am, have no college degree, and yet own a house and are successfully raising a child? How do some of them manage to make a living doing the most ridiculous things? I’m not sure that “hamster trainer” is even in the top five on that list.

    I’m 31 years old, why is the world more confusing than ever?!

    Reply

      1. That seems unlikely, considering that they buy things frequently whereas I buy things rarely. My problems aren’t with budgeting, they’re with earning. The below responses made much more substantive observations. None of them are exactly new to me; it’s just that at a glance you don’t know who has rich parents, who’s enjoyed job security since they were 16, etc.

        Reply

    2. A lot of it is timing. My husband and I bought our small house in our late 20’s- and we wouldn’t have been able to any other time. It’s a combination of luck and family – family only because we knew a couple, also in their late 20’s at the time, where their cell phones were still paid by one of their parents, and they had a deal that if they put money into a savings account- their parents would match it. So, they have 100 they can put in, that turns into 200. You can turn around and take that money out – you’ve still got 100 dollars in your savings. Another couple that we know is “buying” a house that belongs to one of their relatives. Meaning they’re not paying near what it would go for otherwise and they’re paying in installments instead making that big downpayment like the rest of us have to when we buy a new house. So- I’ve honestly had the same thoughts. HOW ARE THEY LIVING TGAT WAY?? Answer generally is either they’re drug dealers, their parents/grandparents are footing the bill, or you’ll have those very very VERY rare occasions when people genuinely do it alone. You’ll never be sure though because they all say they’ve done it themselves- SO many “self made” stories gloss over, or ignore entirely, the trust fund or chunk of money their family gave them for their first business. Kind of sucks for people who ACTUALLY do it themselves.

      Reply

      1. My wife and I bought a house just before the market went sky-high, seventeen years ago. We borrowed money from her parents, my parents, four sets of grandparents, a bunch of aunts and uncles, and the bank, and she’d been putting a bunch of her salary away for a house for at least five years.

        Having a huge family is a big help. Even if none of us are individually wealthy, we’re all more-or-less okay, and can all band together to make things work.

        Reply

      2. Actually, that would be a fantastic way of doubling your money. You could withdraw the *whole* amount, redeposit it and get your parents to match that deposit. Then withdraw the full amount, redeposit it and get them to match it. If you started with $1 then did this daily for a month (31 days) you would have $1,073,741,824. Which would be nice.

        (Your parents may be poor by this stage, but you could always help them out.)

        Reply

      1. ^^^THIS!
        Most people have the ability to ignore and forget the debt so it doesn’t drain them of all the joy in their life. And then the bill comes due on a rainy day and poof, fantasy life over. They just made a banker rich.

        Reply

    4. I spend a lot of time thinking of Edward. He writes well, he has a sense of humor and attention to detail, yet he obviously is at a loose end, otherwise he would not devote so much attention to this site. I think he is in search of a purpose. I sometimes wonder if Edward is not our generation’s Thoreau, still awaiting his Walden. Edward, you should not be a wage slave. Whatever job it is you’re doing that allows you time to waste on Pleated Jeans is not worth the money. Take a risk. Strike out. Start that novel. Write that play. Pitch that movie. You have it in you. But you have to believe.

      Reply

      2. Hey, thanks!

        Since you’re curious: I did strike out on my own a few years ago, ending the string of demeaning post-collegiate retail jobs and starting a career as a freelance writer and editor. Unfortunately, after spending some time lurching from one assignment to another, mostly helping rich, lazy college students avoid writing their own papers, I found that I had formed precious few long-term client contacts. The best I could do was enter into an arrangement to write daily articles for a political lobbying group – work for which I am paid MUCH less than a more established writer with a broader range of options. Also, I am routinely making policy recommendations that I believe are wrong.

        The reason I spend so much time checking Pleated Jeans is twofold: As a freelancer, there’s really nothing to stop me. And as a freelancer who is increasingly frustrated with the self-defeating nature of his work, I often hear a voice in the back of my head saying, Oh dear God what am I doing with my life?! and I have to repress it by finding a momentary chuckle online.

        I’d love to spend some of each day’s hours writing a novel or something, instead. But that can take years to pay dividends even if it’s successful. I desperately need to make money now.

        So… hey… if anyone knows someone who’s looking for a PR writer or entry-level reporter…

        Reply

        1. You should look into writing crap romance for teenagers, maybe use a fake name. That’s where the money’s at and looks like they wrote it in one go so minimum effort as well!

          Reply

  4. An especially good batch this week. I breathed out through my nose more quickly than usual multiple times.

    Reply

  5. *jesus picks up bread*
    this is my body
    *jesus picks up wine*
    this is my blood
    *jesus picks up guitar*
    Anyway, here’s Wonderwall

    Reply

  6. jomny sun! I love his twitter account, everyone should follow him. He is sunshine and light and bittersweet and everything.

    Reply

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