15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read

Have a seat and read some tweets. You deserve it.

https://twitter.com/Flora__Flora/status/838744222102609920

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14 responses to 15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read

  1. The ones about running over children were kinda funny but I stress we really should do it in real life.

      1. Sad story: The inspiration for prankdad was actually not that far away from the joke. He didn’t run them overwith but abused them. Lost custody of two kids.

    1. When I read #5 it was in Mitch Hedbergs voice in my head. Except for the lol. He didn’t say lol. And I think he passed before twitter got popular but not sure.

      1. Actually, now that you mention it, a lot of these seem like they would make Hedberg jokes. I bet he would have been really good at funny tweets had it existed when he was alive…

  2. Spiders: lots of legs to eat bugs and write web messages. But sure, Deirdre, look askance at Charlotte.
    Worms: no legs, but so motivated that the earthworms brought here by Europeans are somehow so ubiquitous people think they’re from here. They didn’t do this by staying in bed all day, Deirdre.
    Birds: roadrunner, Deirdre. tho what’s that longlegged bird that uses the legs Deirdre says they don’t need to attack and kill snakes? and then the billions of other birds that use their legs. hummingbirds, now they can’t actually walk, but they get a pass for all the magic things they do every day.
    Deirdre, I hereby sentence you to view the videos of David Attenbruh on a constant loop. Lucky, lucky.

    1. I was mentally screaming at her: Why didn’t you say arms instead of legs?? The joke works just fine if you say arms. Edit your tweets, peepul!

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