Tag Archives: cars
In many cases, you can gather a lot about a person simply by looking at the vehicle he or she drives. Check the graphic below to see what your car says about you.
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States have a review process for vanity license plates that weeds out most of the offensive requests put in by our nation’s drivers. However, with a little ingenuity (or luck), you can slip the occasional racy message through the cracks. Here are a few classic examples:
Forget electric cars. Forget hydrogen fuel cells. And, gosh darn it, forget about those gas-guzzling hybrid vehicles. If you want a mode of transportation that helps you save the planet AND look cool while doing it, then you’ve got to go to the world of fiction to find it. As evidence, here are nine of the most awesome fictional modes of transportation that don’t need gas:
Fuel source: Magnets?
As seen in: Back to the Future 2
If you’re sick of eating gravel every time your skateboard hits a crack in the concrete, then this is the alternative-fuel vehicle for you. Simply step on, push your foot, and you’re off to the races.
Fuel source: Gravitron particles
As seen in: Wonder Woman
An invisible airplane that is undetectable to radar and requires absolutely zero jet fuel? Yeah, that’s a pretty rad way to get around. Plus, if you get tired of the invisible airplane look, it can also transform into any other type of vehicle on earth – from a car or boat to, presumably, a Segway scooter.
Fuel Source: Compressed air
As seen in: Futurama
According to Futurama, the Tube Transport System is a free mode of public transportation that immediately zips you off to wherever you want to go. With tunnels that cut through the air, water and underground, this is clearly the quickest and smartest way to move large volumes of people.
Fuel source: Fire demon
As seen in: Howl’s Moving Castle
If you’ve ever packed up a U-Haul truck to move across town, then you’ll instantly realize the enormous benefit of scuttling around town in a flying castle. With ability to take your home with you wherever you go, you’d never have to pay for another hotel, moving van or suitcase again. Plus, if you don’t like those new neighbors you’ve sidled up next to, then you can just take off and find a new neighborhood to live in.
Fuel source: Magic
As seen in: Harry Potter
Forget sitting in traffic and huffing gas fumes, a flying broomstick grants you the freedom to go where you want, when you want. And with top speeds that probably rival that of today’s automobiles, you could easily cut your commute in half. Strap on a padded seat for added comfort, and you’ve also got yourself a ride good enough to take you on cross-country trips.
Fuel source: Hugs
As seen in: My dreams
I think we can all agree that riding around on the top of a magical unicorn would be pretty sweet. According to my dreams, these mythical creatures can gallop at high speeds, run on top of rainbows and shoot face-melting lasers out of their eyes. Add in the ability to name your unicorn something cool like Persephone, and you’ve got yourself one super sweet ride.
Fuel source: Electricity?*
As seen in: Star Trek
Presumably operating off the power of the USS Enterprise, transporters are devices that allow you to dematerialize in one place, and rematerialize in another. According to the show, it has been proven as the “safest way to travel.” And with a range of 40,000 kilometers, there’s enough distance in these suckers to get you pretty much anywhere you want to go.
*Correct me if I’m wrong, Star Trek fans.
Fuel source: Fuel cells
As seen in: Star Wars
Unlike landspeeders and other planet-based Star Wars vehicles that rely on traditional combustion engines, the AT-AT and AT-ST Walkers functioned on fuel cells. Both these modes of transport benefit from exceptional exterior armor and blaster weaponry. With the ability to carry 40 stormtroopers, the AT-AT is the future’s badass alternative to city buses. For your personal commute to the office, you’ll want to invest in the 2-seater AT-ST.
Fuel source: beta particle absorption, solar converters, electrical batteries
As seen in: Iron Man
With the ability to withstand bullet blasts, rockets, torpedoes and other forms of damage, Tony Stark’s iron suit is oodles more safe than your average minivan. Add in its supreme versatility of being able to fly, ‘swim’ underwater and soar through outer space, and the Iron Man suit is a family-friendly vehicle that both moms and kids can agree on.
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Look buddy, I know your wife sent you in here to bring home that used 2005 Toyota Camry, but trust me, this vehicle is so much better. And I can tell by the look in your eye that you agree with me. So tell me, what’s it going to take to put you into this hot air balloon today?
You’ve kicked the basket, checked under the burner, even taken the old girl for a test spin. And judging from the constant clapping and squeals of delight you emitted throughout our entire ride, I’m pretty sure you love this vehicle. So what’s holding you back?
Are you worried your wife will disapprove? Because I can tell you right now you’re going to be a hero when you land on your roof in this wicked awesome hot air balloon.
Think about it: this hot air balloon has everything a Camry has…and SO MUCH MORE! Your wife wants good fuel economy right? Well this honey of a ride gets 100 miles to the tank of helium. And sure, the Camry may seat up to five comfortably, but that DELUXE sized wicker basket STANDS up to 10. That’s twice as much passenger space, for only a few hundred dollars more.
Also, I don’t think I need to point out that the hot air balloon is SHAPED LIKE A GIANT FREAKING TURTLE WEARING SNEAKERS AND A BOW TIE!
Talk about a chick magnet – this beauty of a machine is sure to ramp things up in the bedroom – wink, wink.
Now, I know you’ve got three kids, so obviously safety is a big deal. Let’s take a look at the numbers, okay? Last year, more than 100,000 Toyota vehicles were involved in a fatal accident. You know how many people died in a hot air balloon last year? TWO! Just two! And those jerks were French, so you and I both know we can chalk those deaths up to “user error,” am I right?
What’s that? No, you’re right. It probably won’t fit in your garage. But so what? You want this baby sitting out on your front lawn for the whole world to see!
And sure, the hot air balloon takes a little while to warm up in the morning. On a good day, you’re lucky to get her inflated and ready to go in 45 minutes. But just think of all the traffic you’re going to avoid! No more gridlock. No more construction zones. No more speed traps – and hey, better yet, no more DUI tickets (glug, glug).
Look I can see you want the hot air balloon. And you seem like a really nice guy, so I’m going to cut you a deal. How about I knock $200 off the MSRP? Plus, I’ll throw in this authentic Toyota ballooning scarf and wind goggles. And, what the heck, I’ll even throw in this vintage brass spyglass – it’ll be great for when you’re looking for a parking spot or flying over a nude beach.
So what do you say, buddy? Do we have a deal?
Yes!! Of course we do. Trust me friend, you just made the best decision of your life.
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1895: Oscar Wilde is imprisoned for sodomy, which, if you think about it, is a lot like punishing a kid for stealing a candy bar by locking him up in a candy store.
1927: The last Ford Model T rolls of the lines. Henry Ford would keep this final production model and, in his will, betrothed it to the Smithsonian Institute. Also in Ford’s will? The request that, upon death, his bones would be stripped and disassembled via an efficient assembly line of Ford plant workers and then hidden in various parts of Detroit for citizens to seek out in a citywide treasure hunt. According to legend, whoever found Mr. Ford’s left femur would be given a lavish prize. To this day it has not been found.
1937: The Golden Gate Bridge opens up to pedestrian traffic. The bridge would have been finished months earlier, but workers were forced to disassemble and reassemble major portions of the bridge on two separate occasions when it was learned that some of the metal had been suspiciously shipped from Detroit. Contrary to speculation, Mr. Ford’s femur was nowhere to be found.
1941: In the march up to World War II, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt proclaims an “unlimited national emergency” to invest in and invent a wheelchair that could not only “roll on its own accord” but also “sprout enormous feathered wings so that cripples may experience the freedom and enjoyment of soaring among the stars and the grackles.” A year later, the “New Wheel” would be unveiled. Hundreds would die before the winged feature would be scrapped and replaced with a newer, even more impressive feature: reverse.
1995: Intent on making the New Wheel a reality, Christopher Reeve achieves flight thanks to a technologically advanced pair of feathered wings. Unfortunately, in mid-flight the wings snap off of his “Pegasus” (which was just a regular horse) and Mr. Reeve is paralyzed from the neck down. Once again, murmurings of the dreaded “New Wheel Curse” begin to surface.