15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read
It’s Monday and that means it’s time for tweets…
[at job interview]
I'd really appreciate the opportunity to add working here to the list of things I complain about every day
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 22, 2015
[Restaurant]
"Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?"
Yes please
"THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN"
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) December 19, 2014
https://twitter.com/jamie1947/status/423902909357490176
https://twitter.com/RealLucasNeff/status/559968542712291328
https://twitter.com/pattymo/status/557286175669747712
Her: What's your favorite position?
Me: Laying on my back staring at the ceiling until 4am questioning everything I've ever done.— Lyle Clippart (@Kyle_Lippert) January 19, 2015
https://twitter.com/daneZie/status/557638111417880576
"You can't win, Vader. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."
*wanders swamp as a ghost*
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) January 29, 2015
why do baby's clothes need pockets? what do they carry around? baby wallets? fuck off
— Melanie Bracewell (@meladoodle) May 26, 2014
https://twitter.com/BromanConsul/status/553433623794184193
https://twitter.com/EJGomez/status/559814625869312001
You might think that I, a person without children, wouldn't have advice for you about your own child. Well, heh, that's where you're wrong.
— drewtoothpaste.bsky.social (@drewtoothpaste) January 26, 2015
Fun prank: take your long-time girlfriend on a hot air balloon ride & don't propose
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) January 17, 2015
[on the phone with wife]
Honey, who do you like better, Hulk Hogan or Jafar from Aladdin?
"Tell me why."
[winks at tattoo artist] No reason.— Thynebear (@Thynebear) January 18, 2015
*shows up to your super bowl party with Pacific Rim DVD and hopeful expression*
— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) January 31, 2015
