15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read
Happy Monday! Enjoy these outstanding tweets!
got the Chinese symbol for 'neck' tattooed on my neck
— hope (@hopiecan) August 4, 2015
https://twitter.com/TomHanksIsHot/status/624654915047063552
-U ok?
-No
-Well lemme know if u wanna talk about it
-But-wait we're talking right now
-*friend disappears in puff of smoke* Lemme knooww…— AMG (@vhstapes2) August 6, 2015
https://twitter.com/timmartinwhy/status/627212543916904448
https://twitter.com/thenatewolf/status/629754717275422720
https://twitter.com/KarenKilgariff/status/628390025911103488
Good things come to those you hate.
— Sam Reid (@SamReidSays) August 4, 2015
The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food.
— Joel Ingersoll 🥌 (@FlyoverJoel) January 8, 2013
https://twitter.com/WookieOnUnicorn/status/626220661665480704
Tanning a pentagram into my chest this summer even if it means getting kicked out of goth club.
— Jessie 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) July 31, 2015
Add tension to a conference call with a surprise toilet flush.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 17, 2012
Linda my profile clearly said I like to experiment in the bedroom. If you’re not comfortable handling plutonium why did you even message me
— Brent Something (@brentcetera) July 8, 2015
Control any business meeting with my two step program. Step one: Dad-like disapproval. Step two: A little move I call Leanback Teepeehands.
— vladchoc (@vladchoc) March 23, 2015
Sure, I miss grandma. But she's up there protecting us.
*looks up to the sky where my grandma is in a jet fighting aliens*
— Shane (@Shanehasabeard) April 15, 2015
https://twitter.com/TheThomason/status/624832800844165120