Mike
Hope you enjoy this list of the 15 funniest tweets I read last week.
https://twitter.com/JoeBerkowitz/status/657909394236162048
*makes voodoo of myself*
*rubs it's little back*— denise (@Stellacopter) May 12, 2016
Twitter is like if I told a joke to my friends and 2 of them took it seriously, 1 of them tried to make it funnier and 3 told me I was ugly.
— Spencer (@13spencer) February 21, 2013
No, I can't come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket.
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) February 5, 2015
Who else panics when they're stopped next to a school bus because teens could possibly be in there roasting you
— Shakira (@jodecicry) May 10, 2016
A game show where you win $1,000 for every porn star you identify correctly, sitting between your girlfriend and mom.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) August 14, 2012
Want to pay an actor to burst into my funeral in an astronaut costume and say, "Oh my God, I came back too late!"
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) April 6, 2016
I believe Slash and Axl actually came to blows over this first draft. pic.twitter.com/Jr1MfV8A2l
— Stuart (@stuartmwrites) April 1, 2016
the car alarm going off on a '98 Honda Accord on my block was persistent enough to set off the alarm on a '97 Honda Accord
— sam (@cool_yeah_ok) April 30, 2016
Don't worry if our conversation ended awkwardly, I'll perfect it later when I go over it 10 or 30 times.
— Andrew Hibbard (@andrewhibbard) July 8, 2011
I've been called a "female comic" so many times, I'll probably only be able to answer to "girl daddy" when I have children.
— Beth Stelling (@BethStelling) May 23, 2015
https://twitter.com/abbycohenwl/status/708431170204082176
*watches an extremely cute guy flirt with an equally cute girl at the gym from the floor above like an old witch on a mountain*
— skepanie (@goodhairperson) October 3, 2015
https://twitter.com/1Bad_Scientist/status/438264752343490560
Sometimes I yell out "BINGO," when I don't have bingo, cuz I'm not even playing bingo, and I'm at my friend's house peeing in his fireplace.
— Olly iConic (@OllyiConic) June 16, 2013