Mike
I hope these 15 tweets can provide an adequate distraction from the real world.
"Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) February 24, 2014
https://twitter.com/thetigersez/status/527992201918181377
*pops out of cake* my knees hurt from crouching
— julia davidovich (@juliadavidovich) April 17, 2014
https://twitter.com/dave_thomason/status/736962538915536897
Garfield creator breaks silence to give impassioned speech. "It's pronounced Jarfield" he says through tears
— demiurge moore (@online_shawn) December 10, 2014
https://twitter.com/mikefossey/status/735340607275716608
https://twitter.com/markleggett/status/739435079340982272
bury me in a dog park so i can be some dogs treasure
— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) June 7, 2016
https://twitter.com/ibid78/status/547328028888416257
me: [performing autopsy] so I've been practicing my ventriloquism
assistant: now's not the time
corpse: aw come on— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) May 27, 2016
https://twitter.com/Burger_Time_/status/625672090662866944
Does anyone ever put a chip with too much dip on it into their mouth, then shove a second chip in there to even out the chip to dip ratio?
— elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) November 17, 2014
https://twitter.com/vineyille/status/565174551857070081
https://twitter.com/NoTheOtherJohn/status/707712717377802240
[prison riot]
*standing over my origami ducks* "GO AROUND! GO AROUND!"— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) July 29, 2015