Mike
Please enjoy this distraction from the world.
My coworker is pregnant and they passed a card around and I didn't know what to write so I just put HAVE A GOOD BABY TANYA
— demiurge moore (@online_shawn) July 27, 2013
John: Yesterday…
Paul: All my troubles seemed so far away
George: But now it looks…
Ringo: Waterslides hurt if they aren't wet enough
— Napcore Influencer (@SortaBad) June 2, 2014
This is what the electoral map would look like if only dogs voted pic.twitter.com/jHzzmg4NG9
— Jessie 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) October 13, 2016
https://twitter.com/Kendragarden/status/785995298996756480
im watching a documentary about punk rock and can't think of many things less punk rock than doing that
— Sad Tiger (@SaddestTiger) January 4, 2014
https://twitter.com/fro_vo/status/785513880097140736
the baptisms at this place are wild pic.twitter.com/82eR8ZOfmA
— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) October 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/hippieswordfish/status/739292880762593280
https://twitter.com/NoTheOtherJohn/status/633401410667679745
(making small talk with my boss as we leave the office on a friday) so do u micromanage ur family on the weekends
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) September 24, 2016
https://twitter.com/vineyille/status/585148107219939329
[watching porn]
guy: who's your daddy
me: finally, some backstory— 𝔭𝔭 (@athleisure_monk) June 13, 2016
If, at my funeral, no one mentions how I always returned my grocery carts to the parking lot cart corral I'm going to be v pissed
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 4, 2016
Naming my Wifi network "Dad" because it never connects.
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) September 4, 2016
https://twitter.com/trumpetcake/status/539121913792974849