Welcome to another list of funny internet words from strangers.
hmm well I'd say I'm fiscally conservative but socially very liberal. the problems are bad but their causes…their causes are very good
— 🍍 doogal rememberer 🍍 (@crushingbort) May 5, 2014
other job applicant: good luck
me: im gonna tell the boss you hate his hair
other job applicant: what
me loudly: I actually like his haircut
— brent (@murrman5) August 14, 2015
I don't know if I have seasonal depression or if am just aware of what's going on
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) November 8, 2016
*digs up family time capsule*
Son, look at those awful clothes and your hair cut
"Dad we just buried this last week*
*stares at son*
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) December 2, 2014
"I'm telling you Linda, I know I parked it here" pic.twitter.com/8wsSBNc8Yl
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) August 10, 2016
An extremely accurate description of what it's like to hook up with me pic.twitter.com/z1UTr7FjBI
— eve peyser (@evepeyser) February 20, 2016
barista: can i get your name please
me: john, with an "h"
(3 min later)
— chuuch (@ch000ch) March 23, 2016
if you get caught speeding and a cop asks you "where's the fire" you can just make up an address. they don't have a list of current fires.
— ringworm (@prawn_meat) October 11, 2016
The thing you have to understand is that Freud's mom was super hot.
— Ben Acker (@bnacker) November 30, 2015
Haha this loser is waiting for my parking spot because she thinks I'm leaving, but I'm really just eating my lunch alone in my car.
— Hot Dog Wiener (@googleymoogley) August 26, 2013
I disagree with my bank's assessment that my credit card balance is 'outstanding'
— aaron ⭐️ (@AaronCampeau) August 4, 2011
I bought my gym membership at Costco and now I've got 36-pack abs
— Retired Zoologist (@SortaBad) January 6, 2016
"Hi, I'd like to buy this abstract, post modernist, surrealist painting of this angst ridden, haunted looking man"
"That, sir, is a mirror"
— Jazmasta (@jazmasta) November 2, 2016
[grocery produce aisle]
ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?
CLERK: No, why do you ask?
CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?
— Todd 'Papi Birthday' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) March 19, 2016
"He died doing what he loved… saying 'Cars have to stop for pedestrians,' as he stepped bravely into the crosswalk."
— The Pan-Midwesterner (@panmidwest) August 4, 2016