Mike
You know what’s really funny? These tweets.
https://twitter.com/hurlarious/status/641037223400308736
https://twitter.com/JhonRules/status/785608139806605313
You'd think dudes named Chad would be cooler cause chill + rad.
— Mrs. Donald Darko (@LadyBroseph) November 15, 2013
One positive thing that has come out of this election is how reading the news now qualifies as cardio.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 22, 2016
[prison]
PRISONER: what's for breakfast
GUARD: every meal is bread & water
PRISONER: [is a duck] oh baby
— Olly iConic (@OllyiConic) October 5, 2016
https://twitter.com/rachelle_mandik/status/701055263466508289
"Hey, we're wearing the same shoes," I say to a teenager, ruining her day.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) April 23, 2015
Sometimes I see an ambulance & wonder if its for me; like I died moments ago & don't know it yet
MY DATE: I meant what do u do for a living
— Ari Scott (@ariscott) November 6, 2016
https://twitter.com/Manglewood/status/629178313328697344
https://twitter.com/longwall26/status/678565994772631552
https://twitter.com/FeralCrone/status/750528660399095809
https://twitter.com/FuckabillyRex/status/798651497395396609
One time my dad got mad at hulk hogan and yelled "YOURE WASTING SHIRTS" at the TV
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) June 9, 2016
e e cummings did pretty well for a person named after dolphins ejaculating
— garth (@garbagecoven) February 8, 2015
shocked and humbled by the man i have just seen open and eat a mars bar longways, "harmonica-style"
— crispin best (@crispinbest) November 15, 2016