Mike
"What if I tried to put a ball somewhere and you tried to stop me"
-guy who invented sports
— steve suckington (@SteveSuckington) December 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/iamspacegirl/status/714480877112262656
WHATCHA GONNA DO BROTHER WHEN HULKAMANIA TAKES YOUR MOM OUT & SLOWLY BECOMES YOUR CONTROLLING STEPFATHER!
— Jeremy ButtShaker (@iLikeCatShirts) April 2, 2014
https://twitter.com/WheelTod/status/731117680401485824
https://twitter.com/wokkax3/status/692400731677130761
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?" – guy that just got a new kite for his birthday
— Timmy™ (@TheTimmyToes) March 13, 2015
I'm no expert but a Brazilian sounds like a whole lot of bras
— Boog (@bewgtweets) January 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/sarahjoyshockey/status/649950474980970496
Dear Mr. Levine,
I received your letter, and yes, Spider-Man does eat his own webs. It makes him stronger, but more insane.
Best,
Stan Lee— Adam Levine (@aclevine86) January 25, 2016
He's not even trying anymore… pic.twitter.com/DHxbkqKy6q
— mo (@chuuew) January 16, 2017
https://twitter.com/philmann/status/592977034818760704
https://twitter.com/misfarber/status/801488371793199110
Shout out to my self-aware friends, you know who you are
— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) February 27, 2015
[makes a voodoo doll of himself]
[gives it a little back rub]— Timmy™ (@TheTimmyToes) August 11, 2015
[Mcdonald's]
DARWIN: 2 Big Mac meals for us… and 9 Happy Meals for the kids
WIFE: we have 10 kids
DARWIN: I know
— the pan-midwesterner (@panmidwest) September 28, 2016