15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read
These tweets are gluten-free but you won’t be able to tell the difference.
https://twitter.com/SirEviscerate/status/385638735473549312
By now everyone should have picked a spring look. If you haven't chosen a spring look, one will be assigned to you.
— Jessie 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) March 18, 2016
https://twitter.com/WookieOnUnicorn/status/626220661665480704
https://twitter.com/FeralCrone/status/841433716023001089
I want my friends and family at my funeral, but more than that, I want a mysterious stranger watching from behind a tree
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) March 4, 2017
I got no shame about showing up at your party on time. You said 9 it's 9:06 let's go. I'm ready to small talk your work pal from 2 jobs ago!
— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) February 28, 2017
https://twitter.com/vineyille/status/834759362656792579
https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/status/634406741829132288
[normal life]
ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week
[packing for vacation]
hmmm. i'll prob change a few times a day so thats…32 shirts— jonny sun (@jonnysun) July 5, 2016
https://twitter.com/trojansauce/status/844526825254596609
WIFE: I have a couple important announcements…First: I'm pregnant
ME: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) March 22, 2017
people are looking at the conveyor belt waiting for their luggage to come out. suddenly i emerge, sitting on a picnic blanket eating dinner
— herbie (@obviouslyherbie) November 24, 2016
[tunes an acoustic guitar for 5 minutes and then screams into the hole]
— chip malfunction (@online_shawn) April 24, 2016
https://twitter.com/abbycohenwl/status/593861944072876032
ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again.— Paul (@FrenulumBreve) August 19, 2015