Mike
15 tweets. To be taken visually. Consult your doctor if they don’t induce laughter.
most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) December 12, 2013
https://twitter.com/kashanacauley/status/863775122301341696
Last party I was at had 7 dads. The sheer deck building power in the room was palpable.
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) July 7, 2013
if you get a lap dance, remember: there's a thin layer of flesh and cartilage between you and a gyrating skeleton full of turds on your lap
— several onions (@Amusitr0n) May 10, 2017
https://twitter.com/walruslifestyle/status/848745034623184896
https://twitter.com/_youhadonejob1/status/861506946322624513
the cvs cashier asked me how im doing as i put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "not great man ive got diarrhea" i told him
— deg (@degg) October 13, 2013
https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/859831797735206912
before mcdonald's i bet "don't buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule
— elon mustard (@nice_mustard) July 18, 2012
[making money] Ugh this is boring and awful. But at least spending it will be nice!
[spending money] Ah no this feels bad also
— Political Science PhD (@InternetHippo) May 2, 2017
https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/status/441345411479924736
https://twitter.com/Flora__Flora/status/838744222102609920
https://twitter.com/thecatamites/status/701398416753082368
https://twitter.com/TheWoodenslurpy/status/622094987497332737
Guy: What do you do?
Me: I tell jokes on Twitter
G:No, I mean, what do you do to support yourself?
Me: I tell myself that they're good jokes— Line Art Lionheart (@notalogin) August 11, 2016