15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read
Welcome to the tweet show. These are the tweets.
https://twitter.com/infinitesimull/status/885941060135829505
I only invite people over so that I will clean my house.
— elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) May 15, 2014
https://twitter.com/dorsalstream/status/667453230285213696
https://twitter.com/Dschnoeb/status/423477452959006720
°i see a bear and play dead°
[BEAR] omg it happened again this is my curse— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) January 12, 2015
Cookie Monster delivering the eulogy at Bert's funeral. Head bowed low. Stillness. "Me want cookies," he sadly intones. "Me want cookies."
— Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD BOFA Economics (@BuckyIsotope) March 23, 2013
"oh no, this is so scary or whatever lol"
-giraffe in quicksand— chuuch (@ch000ch) January 22, 2014
https://twitter.com/vineyille/status/350312282686898176
https://twitter.com/pattymo/status/340492933788758016
I see my cashier. He looks familiar to me. I know him somehow — but from where? Then it hits me: I've been here a bunch of times before.
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) March 17, 2017
https://twitter.com/iamspacegirl/status/606526464599724032
INVENTOR OF GLUE: I bet if we melt that horse we could use it to stick stuff to other stuff.
TIM: Dude…is everything okay at home?
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) April 1, 2017
I don't trust the sun. Why can't we look directly at it? What is it hiding?
— jess (retired) (@jessokfine) May 27, 2016
What's it called when you're making a podcast but you don't record it? A conversation? What's the point
— NOT A METH LAB (@jenlaw_11) January 30, 2016
Many people that appear "cool" actually struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Not me. I have those feelings without appearing cool at all.
— ♥mark magark♥ (@markedly) August 20, 2016