15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read
Please enjoy this list of tweets because they are very good and I also said please.
1.
https://twitter.com/rockymomax/status/759779368868671488
2.
https://twitter.com/iamspacegirl/status/724782052344795136
3.
https://twitter.com/SortaBad/status/710122128855535617
4.
mob boss: stick his body in the compost pile
me: wha
mob boss (grabbing my collar intently): we might be killers, but u only got one earth— regular keith (@ghostkrogh) October 19, 2015
5.
https://twitter.com/jazmasta/status/619927959474933760
6.
sees a stranger moved to tears by the beauty of a sunset: excuse me miss, is this sky bothering you
— ceej (@ceejoyner) July 23, 2017
7.
Nothing says, "I'm broke" like filling out the survey on the receipt for your lunch from Taco Bell.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) September 4, 2015
8.
[blind date]
HER: I'm a big country fan
ME {trying to impress her}: China is very large
— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) July 4, 2017
9.
Wife: How did her first day of school go?
Me: Good, I think.
Wife: Did she wear the gray outfit?
Me: Did you say "gray"? pic.twitter.com/Tds5XuHnn9— Tim (@Playing_Dad) August 24, 2017
10.
BOSS: I hate "yes men."
ME: Yeah. Me too.
BOSS: I like employees who speak their mind.
ME: Yeah. They're the best.
BOSS: You get me.
ME: Yep— The Pale Space Rider (@truegritrumble) February 10, 2017
11.
BARTENDER: *cleaning a mug* what'll it be?
ME: something cold
BARTENDER: your girlfriend thinks about your brother when you're having sex.
— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) August 22, 2017
12.
sorry, standing outside your house with a sign that says "prom?" was probably a confusing way to ask u what prom means
— chuuch (@ch000ch) August 4, 2015
13.
Screech up to a yard sale. Ask if they have any haunted amulets. Yell at the dog in your backseat, "I'm GETTING the spell reversed, Greg!"
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 30, 2015
14.
https://twitter.com/ladybroseph/status/490683575893639168
15.
[while being tackled by police dog] what's his name?
— brent (@murrman5) July 3, 2017