Mike
Ask your doctor if HilariousTweets are right for you. (they are)
1.
[sees a guy with his foot caught in a bear trap]
Me: dude that thing's for bears— David Hughes (@david8hughes) May 17, 2017
2.
what kind of dressing is on that salad oh nice mine is 1001 islands no big deal though
— ceej (@ceejoyner) July 20, 2017
3.
https://twitter.com/nickwiger/status/905634022377742337
4.
we promise our cheesy bread is the cheesiest or we'll kill one employee an hour until you agree
— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) November 14, 2013
5.
Next time you meet someone with the same first name as you, act like you didn't know that was a thing and get mad at them for it.
— Matt (@sucittaM) June 25, 2017
6.
Superman doesn't have to put his arms up to fly, it's not more aerodynamic or anything. He's just showing off
Wife [googling divorce] What?
— esteban (@lawbsterfest) May 24, 2017
7.
girl at the bar: You're funny
me *brings her over to meet my wife* Tell her what you said— Josh (@iwearaonesie) June 16, 2017
8.
If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer.
— jess (retired) (@jessokfine) April 3, 2015
9.
*covers thighs in powdered sugar like an Olympic gymnast*
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) August 12, 2016
10.
[introducing coworkers as they walk into work like they're a starting lineup] shes 5'2 only owns 3 outfits and still owes me SIX DOLLAAAAARS
— brent (@murrman5) June 12, 2017
11.
https://twitter.com/vineyille/status/859481642389258240
12.
(to the tune of We Will Rock You)
I feed my dog dog food
— Chris Stephens (@ChrisStephensMD) September 6, 2017
13.
Hey yea man, send me that YouTube link. I'm definitely gonna watch it and not just default send back "lol" after a few minutes.
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) March 8, 2014
14.
https://twitter.com/msdanifernandez/status/552345072294191104
15.
https://twitter.com/FuckabillyRex/status/781632816538759172
Last Week’s Funny Tweets–>