Mike
I love tweets. You love tweets. Let’s love some tweets together.
1.
Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him.
— chelsea anét (@chelseaanet) March 10, 2014
2.
Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) September 17, 2013
3.
https://twitter.com/kashanacauley/status/850491186389319680
4.
https://twitter.com/faithchoyce/status/917457075407544320
5.
https://twitter.com/usedwigs/status/909515734354669568
6.
I'm quiet and hate confrontation with neighbors, so I renamed our wifi "Maybe Stop Leaf Blowing Everything Into Our Driveway, Brent."
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 29, 2017
7.
Parents in paper towel commercials, your children are monsters. Forget about absorbency and focus on getting your shit together.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) December 9, 2011
8.
https://twitter.com/NicCageMatch/status/908175556092538880
9.
the best la croixs are apricot and michelob ultra
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) October 8, 2017
10.
Pretty metal of Betty White to trend every time someone else dies.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 28, 2017
11.
https://twitter.com/hippieswordfish/status/921230189736091648
12.
Every day, ask yourself: am I closer to my goal of managing a haunted bed and breakfast perched upon a weathered cliff
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) October 12, 2017
13.
https://twitter.com/nattylumpo88/status/486835910000922625
14.
If I were the tooth fairy I wouldn't leave any cash, just a note that says I'VE TAKEN YOUR TEETH
— jess (retired) (@jessokfine) October 3, 2017
15.
[date]
HER: So, are you religious?
FRANKENSTEIN: I'm part Catholic
HER: Oh…your mother or your father?
FRANKENSTEIN: My foot
— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) October 25, 2017