When you basically sign a contract that you and and another person are going to live together and share your stuff for the rest of your life it’s kind of a big deal. Marriage is no easy task, it obviously has it’s ups and downs but there are way more real life situations than anything when it comes to marriage. It’s not all romance and kisses, it’s a partnership as much as a relationship. There are hysterical little nuances to a relationship for the long haul and these folks do a great job at sharing some of them. These hilarious people give an awesome insight in what it’s like to be married by sharing the hilarious things that will make every married person say ‘same’
95% of any Home Depot trip is spent trying to find my husband again.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 28, 2017
I feel like if I use my demon voice then it's ok to interrupt the scary movie my husband is watching to ask him if he wants nachos.
— Wendy (@_wendyb07) November 6, 2017
I’m gonna need my husband to hurry up and finish his story so I can tell the same story but, like, a lot better.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 3, 2017
H: why is the heat turned up so high in here?
Me: so I can sleep with a fan on.
— she’s unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) December 1, 2017
A marriage built on respect and trust can survive anything. Except losing twice as much weight on a diet than your wife, apparently.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) December 4, 2017
Protip: If your wife asks you “How lazy can you be?” it’s a rhetorical question.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) December 3, 2017
*wife wonders where I am*
*hears glass break*
*knows where I am*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 20, 2017
My husband almost threw away a package of cookies because they were crumbled so now we have to go marriage counseling. I just hope it’s not too late.
— Judy from the internet (@jnapsalot) November 19, 2017
Husband is currently mad at me because I can’t show him how to do something that I don’t even know how to do.
— Kris (@Miss_Kris85) November 30, 2017
Husband: We should go to Costco.
Me [still in pajamas]: So I should change?
H: I said Costco, not Walmart.
Me:*puts on nicer pajamas*
— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) July 1, 2017
I don't know which is worse
1) My wife whistled for me to come downstairs
2) I did it
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 28, 2017
*wife is out of town*
Do I dare leave the toilet seat up?
*looks around and shrugs*
Screw it. This is my house.
*falls into toilet at 3AM*
— Gorilla Von Nips (@GorillaNipples1) November 11, 2017
My wife and I are tackling a home improvement project together.
Just thought I'd give you a heads up.
This is my last post as a married man.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 26, 2017
Me: *walking on the moon*
[text from wife]: Can you bring home some more milk?
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) November 18, 2017
the chicken in my wife's spicy chicken burger was bigger than the bun while mine was smaller and I know ill bring it up in a future argument
— brent (@murrman5) August 27, 2017
For the first time in 16 years, I remembered where we keep the tape without having to ask my wife, so our marriage is going well right now.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 21, 2017
Wife: *asks question*
Me: *gives answer*
Wife: I’m looking it up on the internet…
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) November 20, 2017
Me – You almost ready?
Wife – Just a few more minutes. What time do we have to be there?
Me – Yesterday at 7.
— Dan R (@Social_Mime) June 21, 2017
Establish dominance in your household by staring at your husband while you unplug his phone from the charger and plug in your own.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 23, 2017
friend: What’s one thing marriage has taught you?
me: If you walk into the house eating a candy bar you better have one for her too
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 11, 2017
It’s so nice when my husband’s away that the dog can fill in as the loudest breather of the household.
— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) November 16, 2017
My wife is going to qualify for free shipping no matter how much it costs.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 28, 2017
Wife: Darn. Prince Harry is off the market.
Me: Why does it matter? You weren't on the market.
Wife: *refuses to make eye contact*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2017
Me: The legend of this day shall reverberate through the ages
Wife: Seriously? You did one load of laundry
Me: Behold my majesty
— Son of Dad (@Steven37366100) November 15, 2017