Occasionally, checking Twitter is like strolling through an art museum. Well, an art museum littered with stinking piles of trash, anyway. Sure, you might have to maneuver around heaping piles of garbage, but every so often, you’ll find yourself delighted by and appreciative of a particular masterpiece.
Here are just some of Twitter’s own masterpieces.
me: I want to hide in a cake for my wife's birthday
clerk: ok what about this one
me: yeah nice nice and she definitely won't find me?
— Marf (@MarfSalvador) December 7, 2017
ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery
— FRO VO (@fro_vo) January 6, 2018
someone: you don’t have to apologize for everything, you’re good
me: oh ok……ˢᵒʳʳʸ
— k (@pugmom4evr) January 17, 2018
Sex Doll : I just think it's funny how…
— The Instigator (@AmBlujay) January 15, 2018
[boss hands me some work]
ME: Oh no thank you
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) August 1, 2015
me, pointing gun: this is a robbery. give me the combo to the safe or ill blow your head off
bank teller: ok its.. its.. its my birthday.. it’s 11, 07..
me: wait, are you a scorpio?
me: wait me too haha whatttt
teller: lmaoo omg u totally seem like one!!
— eric turtle (@dubstep4dads) January 19, 2018
"Bae come over"
"Can't, getting my brakes fixed"
"My parents aren't home" pic.twitter.com/laJS0wTObh
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) January 15, 2018
police officer: please step out of the vehicle
me: are u mad at me
— ￼ (@highkeylost) January 20, 2018
"Can everyone just stop?" I plead.
"Stop what?" they ask.
I frantically gesture at everything.
— batkaren (@batkaren) November 28, 2017
waiter: we only have tap water, is that okay?
me: listen i wouldn’t even care if you shot me with a gun
— eric turtle (@dubstep4dads) January 17, 2018
DATE: my eyes are up here
ME: [imediately looking up from their dog] sorry
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) June 15, 2017
me: im not doing the google art thing because i don’t want the feds to have my face
the fbi agent living inside my web cam: smart choice
— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) January 17, 2018
ANXIETY: SOMEONE HELP ME
ANXIETY: Wait wut
COFFEE: I’ll take it from here!!!!
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 19, 2018
ME: Alexa, am I drunk?
TUBE OF PRINGLES:
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 12, 2018
DOG 1: hey u know how sometimes ur human has a ball
DOG 2: ya
DOG 1: sometimes mine throws the ball, but then magically it’s back in his hand!
DOG 2: omg
DOG 1: I know
NEIL DEGRASSE DOG: actually
— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) January 22, 2018