Occasionally, checking Twitter is like strolling through an art museum. Well, an art museum littered with stinking piles of trash, anyway. Sure, you might have to maneuver around heaping piles of garbage, but every so often, you’ll find yourself delighted by and appreciative of a particular masterpiece.
Here are just some of Twitter’s own masterpieces.
[bakery]— Marf (@MarfSalvador) December 7, 2017
me: I want to hide in a cake for my wife's birthday
clerk: ok what about this one
me: yeah nice nice and she definitely won't find me?
ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start— FRO VO (@fro_vo) January 6, 2018
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery
someone: you don’t have to apologize for everything, you’re good— k (@pugmom4evr) January 17, 2018
me: oh ok......ˢᵒʳʳʸ
Sex Doll : I just think it's funny how...— The Instigator (@AmBlujay) January 15, 2018
Me : pic.twitter.com/HLK4PJfCO5
[boss hands me some work]— Hippo (@InternetHippo) August 1, 2015
ME: Oh no thank you
me, pointing gun: this is a robbery. give me the combo to the safe or ill blow your head off— eric turtle (@dubstep4dads) January 19, 2018
bank teller: ok its.. its.. its my birthday.. it’s 11, 07..
me: wait, are you a scorpio?
me: wait me too haha whatttt
teller: lmaoo omg u totally seem like one!!
"Bae come over"— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) January 15, 2018
"Can't, getting my brakes fixed"
"My parents aren't home" pic.twitter.com/laJS0wTObh
police officer: please step out of the vehicle— ￼ (@highkeylost) January 20, 2018
me: are u mad at me
"Can everyone just stop?" I plead.— batkaren (@batkaren) November 28, 2017
"Stop what?" they ask.
I frantically gesture at everything.
waiter: we only have tap water, is that okay?— eric turtle (@dubstep4dads) January 17, 2018
me: listen i wouldn’t even care if you shot me with a gun
DATE: my eyes are up here— jomny sun (@jonnysun) June 15, 2017
ME: [imediately looking up from their dog] sorry
me: im not doing the google art thing because i don’t want the feds to have my face— Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) January 17, 2018
the fbi agent living inside my web cam: smart choice
ANXIETY: SOMEONE HELP ME— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 19, 2018
ANXIETY: Wait wut
COFFEE: I’ll take it from here!!!!
ME: Alexa, am I drunk?— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 12, 2018
TUBE OF PRINGLES:
DOG 1: hey u know how sometimes ur human has a ball— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) January 22, 2018
DOG 2: ya
DOG 1: sometimes mine throws the ball, but then magically it’s back in his hand!
DOG 2: omg
DOG 1: I know
NEIL DEGRASSE DOG: actually