Lindsey Robertson
Some people just aren’t keen on the idea of Valentine’s Day. Regardless of whether or not they’re single when that fateful February day rolls around, they just end up negging on each and every heart-shaped decoration and exorbitant prix fixe menu.
And honestly? It’s hard to blame them. Valentine’s Day is an unnecessary amount of pressure to place on a romantic relationship (or a single person’s psyche), and most of us can’t help but get a little pissed off about the whole charade. Roses and chocolates and sexy lingerie are all well and good — but at a 15% markup in holiday-specific colors? Maybe not so much.
Here are some good, salty jokes for anyone who wishes that Valentine’s Day would just tuck its tail and run right back into the advertising office from whence it came. I hope that all of you (myself included) find the perfect tray of nachos to spend some time with during V-Day this year.
1.
Can we replace Valentine’s Day with another thanksgiving?
— QueenFridayXIII (@QueenFridayXIII) January 28, 2018
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4.
https://twitter.com/Ed_Lever/status/434228838139457536
5.
https://twitter.com/RuthePhoenix/status/558963279176171520
6.
valentine’s day is approaching, but so is mcdonald’s monopoly and i’ll let you guess what i’m more excited for x
— 🌸paige (@_paigemcmillann) January 28, 2018
7.
What's my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again.
— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) December 2, 2014
8.
https://twitter.com/itswillyferrell/status/409917931746000896
9.
https://twitter.com/bxbygirlangie/status/955876012952375296
10.
https://twitter.com/pakalupapito/status/692306813367275520
11.
the best thing about being single on valentine's day is I get to eat all 2 dozen of these roses by myself
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) February 14, 2015
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https://twitter.com/chanelpuke/status/408434839478894593
13.
https://twitter.com/BillDixonish/status/694955288000991232
14.
https://twitter.com/antijokeapple/status/565908870049300480
15.
https://twitter.com/briangaar/status/566744696261603328
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https://twitter.com/stars_shards/status/828333436280651776
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https://twitter.com/tbhIisa/status/827568133489688577
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https://twitter.com/mmitchelldaviss/status/695760249676914688
20.
Valentine's Day really separates the men from the boys, and then separates me from both of them in a third location
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 15, 2015
21.
less than 1 month until valentine’s day which means less than 1 month until i buy 75% clearance chocolate for myself at target
— Nostalgia (@ComedyPosts) January 17, 2014
22.
You are never alone on Valentine's Day if you're near a lake and have bread.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) February 14, 2015
23.
https://twitter.com/youngoddesss/status/828272864084295680