Mike
I’ve been on twitter for about 6 years now, and it never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to find hilarious jokes for this list every week. You’d think I’d run out at some point, but nope. Twitter is a bottomless well of jokes (and lot’s of other not so great stuff lately) but mostly jokes, and it is my absolute pleasure to bring you this list every week. I assure you it is as much fun for me to make as it is for you to read. So thank you for continuing to visit this, because it means I get to continue putting it together. Please enjoy this week’s roundup, and always remember: retweets mean everything.
15.
https://twitter.com/abbycohenwl/status/566775887681441792
14.
I like my water like I like my emotions…bottled.
— greg (@GrowlyGrego) March 27, 2018
13.
https://twitter.com/Eden_Eats/status/932084263750549504
12.
Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
— Charles Drugs (@mattytalks) April 15, 2014
11.
look for bugs or don't. Whatever pic.twitter.com/7CeRDO0tdL
— Leah Tiscione (@LeahTiscione) June 5, 2017
10.
My coworker who believes Jesus Christ was the immaculately conceived son of God who rose from the dead can't believe it's Monday already.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 9, 2015
9.
Me: Hey Mom!
My mom: Oh haha I get that all the time
Me: Wha-
Definitely my mom: *walking away from me* Just one of those faces, I guess!
— dick snickers (@smithsara79) September 27, 2017
8.
If your blind child is 9 feet tall, we’re here to help pic.twitter.com/hsjM0RkMjR
— Napcore Influencer (@SortaBad) March 11, 2018
7.
Always be yourself.
A little less
A little less
There you go.— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) February 4, 2015
6.
The canary looked up from the cage where it had pretended to die. The last of the miners had fled. Fools. The sweet, sweet coal was all his.
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) October 3, 2013
5.
https://twitter.com/LostCatDog/status/316593851085242369
4.
https://twitter.com/dorsalstream/status/975904953783873536
3.
https://twitter.com/WGladstone/status/689618601909862400
2.
https://twitter.com/bourgeoisalien/status/647753689877356545
1.
when your mom is late picking you up from Starfish Club pic.twitter.com/WXhrqJUtXY
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) April 3, 2017