29 Disgusting Tweets To Tag Your Squeamish Friend In

Remember when you were 7 years old and all someone had to do was say the word “fart” to make you laugh for the rest of the day? Those were good times. Now you have to be an adult. You have to pretend everything is very serious and farts are gross. Poop is unsanitary and shouldn’t be discussed.The only place for pee is in the potty, but you don’t call it that because you’re a grownup. Only the immature laugh at such things.

Congratulations. This post is your safe place. Let 7 year old you take the wheel for a while. Trade in your polite chuckle for a honest giggle. I promise once you’re done reading these you can go back to doing your taxes or whatever very mature activity you were responsibly engaging in.

1.

https://twitter.com/anuscosgrove/status/707624962765541376

2.

the cvs cashier asked me how im doing as i put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "not great man ive got diarrhea" i told him

— deg (@degg) October 13, 2013

3.

WIFE: I think this place is haunted.
ME: (trying to find something to blame my fart on) Sure smells haunted.

— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) July 8, 2017

4.

I have so much butt hair my diarrhea comes out as filtered drinking water.

— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) November 2, 2015

5.

When you're around your crush but you gotta fart real bad pic.twitter.com/wrO3gFtzwV

— paisley (@raccoonfanacc) March 8, 2016

6.

I'd like to solve the puzzle?

WATCHING. MY. DENTIST. PEE. ONLINE. pic.twitter.com/8Re5iPdwHb

— Seanbaby (@Seanbabydotcom) June 28, 2017

7.

https://twitter.com/brownlashon/status/882978459580059648

8.

that moment your friends sniff that smelly fart. pic.twitter.com/zBdg71nZ5S

— Ryan Magee (@elirymagee) March 3, 2016

9.

https://twitter.com/Jheri_Seinfeld/status/644206242626437120

10.

My butt crack hair. Like a wig stuffed between the sofa cushions. The vertical mustache. A dense, dark jungle where light never breaks the canopy and the animals walk right up to you because they’ve never seen people before. Wow you read all of that. Gross. But thanks, I guess.

— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) November 9, 2017

11.

it's cool when my one dog shits the other one has to go and inspect it like "just as i suspected guys. it's shit."

— chuuch (@ch000ch) April 11, 2014

12.

Yeah, I'm an ALPHA MALE:

A – ttentive
L – istener with a
P – ositive and
H – ealthy
A – ttitude and

M – y
A – sshole
L – eaks
E – diarrhea

— Teenage Stepdad (@TeenageStepdad) July 2, 2017

13.

its true. each cow's udder has one teat that will shoot piss instead of milk and ruin the whole batch. they call it the Farmer's Gamble

— Listen here Nomb Nuts (@dril) November 19, 2013

14.

*poops blood*
"What the heck I haven't eaten blood in weeks"

— david (@_elvishpresley_) May 24, 2016

15.

HEALTH TIP: when you fart, stop the spread of germs by farting into the crook of your arm

— Duke Max “Carnival Lawyer” Ash (@mynameisntdave) January 10, 2017

16.

The perfect crime: fart into someone else's butt

— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) September 11, 2015

17.

PHIL COLLINS: Here tonight is the man who inspired my next song, "Fat Shithead Clogged My Toilet."
[spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]

— For Sale: Baby shoes. Never worn. (Baby is dead.) (@LeHarrumph) May 17, 2014

18.

wife hopped in the shower with me as a sexy surprise… except she caught me, you know…. taking a shit in there

— deg (@degg) June 15, 2017

19.

https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/746783743881416704

20.

A bottle washes onto the shore. There's a note inside. You pick it up and pull the cork. Aged fart fills your nose. The note says "LOL"

— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) September 24, 2015

21.

It's important to conserve water but u SHOULD keep flushing until u feel confident your poop is in the ocean

— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) August 6, 2016

22.

If yr nervous about farting in yoga just remember: that could happen to anyone. The part that takes true serenity is letting out a tiny poop

— Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) February 2, 2016

23.

Casual Friday is the BEST! Who likes washing their hands after going to the bathroom?!

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 21, 2010

24.

Jack in the Box tacos aren't tacos. They're more like a wet envelope of cat food. When you eat them you're just mailing yourself diarrhea.

— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) October 22, 2016

25.

Im uploading a fart onto the dark web

— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 4, 2017

26.

https://twitter.com/DanMentos/status/550182327712641024

27.

https://twitter.com/thenatewolf/status/965081385852530688

28.

Diarrhea. The green apple splatters. Booty sneezes. # 1 from # 2. I scared the squid. Get the wet nurse, I'm having a natural water birth.

— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) February 22, 2016

29.

.@Harvard I bought a crimson Harvard t-shirt and unless you pay me $50 I'm going to wear it to the mall and pee my pants

— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) September 7, 2015