Mike
A good tweet is sticky. Not only will it make you laugh, but it’ll also lodge itself in your brain and make you think about it all week. Like a catchy song lyric, it’ll stay there long past its welcome. Just bouncing around in there like a dog trying to stand up in the back of a van. That’s what separates the good tweets from the great ones. So go ahead and clear your schedule, these tweets need your time and attention.
1.
https://twitter.com/Francheskahor6/status/1057028469283061760
2.
cool that ariana grande forgives her exes. also cool that every day I relish in the memory of mine calling, furious, asking why i let him believe björk was pronounced “bork” for 2 years and that he just embarrassed himself at a party
— rachel yara (@bugposting) November 8, 2018
3.
https://twitter.com/heavybagofbones/status/1060636502873571329
4.
Heard in the lobby of my dorm
Dude 1: hey dude why weren’t you in Stats?
Dude 2: I had a mental health day dude. I slept in and had some tea
Dude 1: oh yeah self care dude
Dude 2: yeah dude self care— wanna see my plants ? (@DumbKrisThings) October 31, 2018
5.
Someone posted this to our neighborhood message board and I will never recover. pic.twitter.com/1uWwOKHHsZ
— Hannah Solow (@hamstertalk) November 8, 2018
6.
my dad just told me he makes decisions now by emailing himself a potential plan and reading gmail's suggested auto-responses to it to determine if it's good idea or not
— innes (@innesmck) November 7, 2018
7.
https://twitter.com/chaeronaea/status/1060255379752448000
8.
always thinking about how the US Geological Survey couldn’t classify this bee so they put its genus and species into their official government files as “bee cute furry face” pic.twitter.com/Dn0Z4OipsT
— rachel yara (@bugposting) November 7, 2018
9.
https://twitter.com/xxlfunny1/status/1059555992726355968
10.
https://twitter.com/kayyorkcity/status/1058957092202131456
11.
https://twitter.com/morgan_hastie/status/1058349398164496384
12.
https://twitter.com/goodgaljenjen/status/1058600806780329984
13.
I'm in the library and there's a bf helping his gf study and I've been overhearing parts of their conversation for the last hour and he just said "Babe, I'm gonna be honest with you. You're going to fail this test, I love you, but there's nothing we can do about it now" I’m dead
— Sam (@_ssamm) October 30, 2018
14.
you: weird flex but ok
an intellectual: odd gloat but understandable nonetheless
me, a genius: peculiar boast but alas
— Lil A.C (@ilysmooky) November 1, 2018
15.
James Cowan Smith: Here’s £55,000 in 1919 money
Scottish National Gallery: Fantastic, thank you
JCS: But you must exhibit this painting of my dog
SNG: …
JCS: Forever pic.twitter.com/RTvek7mt2u— Matthewせいじ (@matthewseiji) November 3, 2018
16.
https://twitter.com/emo2thextremo/status/1058472752645054469
17.
https://twitter.com/devin_/status/1059134496220594178
h/t buzzfeed