You don’t have to be drunk to enjoy these funny tweets, but I can tell you from experience it doesn’t hurt. Twitter jokes are great no matter what state of mind you’re in, I’m just saying why not chase these posts down with something equally fun?
just would like to share what is currently happening to me on tinder pic.twitter.com/fDioZBFJPO
— gale (@abigailleigh14) November 30, 2018
if bohemian rhapsody starts playing and the person you’re with doesn’t start singing along and at least attempt the different voices, you really need to leave them alone. You just don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
— maren saw borhap x32 (@ohhchunky) December 1, 2018
This makes sense and I am shook. pic.twitter.com/z9WqosVDI4
— James Ridgers (@englishguy) December 1, 2018
Every white dude made a rap song with his friends in a basement in 2008 that would ruin his life if reavealed today
— Krispy Scream (@mitchysuch) December 1, 2018
*grabs microphone at register at Best Buy*
THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES WERE ACTUALLY TORTOISES. TURTLES LIVE IN WATER. GET OFF ME!
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) August 11, 2014
Well this was a highlight of my day pic.twitter.com/jTqkA79MFM
— Cody (@cocdcy) December 1, 2018
What if you cracked your knuckles and your fingers started to glow like glow sticks
— ᴬᵘˢᵗⁱⁿ (@Austin_James74) November 30, 2018
My sister brought the Grinch an onion yesterday and I about died 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/BJn7mypxOz
— Spokesmayne (@Spokesmayne) December 1, 2018
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) January 21, 2015
Teaching my roommates Spanish one label at a time ☺️ pic.twitter.com/hqlHUZ2O7V
— bri (@_breegee) November 27, 2018
i hate ranting to my boyfriend because he’ll use sound logic and reasoning and i’m really just looking for someone to be just as overdramatic about the situation as i am
— hannah (@gulickhannah) November 27, 2018
[inventing the toaster]
engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4
chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8
— schmox (@IvoryGazelle) November 26, 2018
So this happened to my friend pic.twitter.com/ZKjNgkxShB
— kyle (@Veryhollow) November 25, 2018
i was arguing with my bestfriend, and in the middle of it she took her glasses off n said “i don’t wanna see you right now”
— luis (@ShineMyGold) November 29, 2018
i'm losing my fucking mind pic.twitter.com/inSapoCnoJ
— hallmark channel's countdown to caitmas (@chaeronaea) November 28, 2018
Wanna hear a new level of “being a shitty roommate”?
I asked my roommate to take the trash out, as I have been gone a week and a half.
She then proceeded to PICK THROUGH THE TRASH AND ONLY THREW OUT THINGS THAT SHE THREW AWAY.
W H A T ?!
— Leah Vasquez (@LV_Eventing) November 25, 2018
saddest thing I’ve drawn pic.twitter.com/gm9TVa2dye
— Nathan W. Pyle (@nathanwpyle) November 27, 2018
-will hurt eventually
— Thunder Bread⚡️ (@JoeyDG54) November 27, 2018
this is my family’s xmas card this year. your welcome. pic.twitter.com/MDI6XdOq0n
— Rachel Patrick (@Ray_Pats) November 27, 2018
I blanked when I got to the counter at Starbucks and said “vodka soda” and she said “huh” and I said “huh” and then we stared at each other until I remembered I was there for coffee.
— Kayne not Kanye (@kaynecaraway) November 26, 2018
My flight was delayed 3 hours so I was doing what any human does when they’re bored. Minding my own business swiping through tinder & the guy behind me goes “ouch hard no for that one?” And I turn around ONLY TO SEE THE MAN I JUST SWIPED NO ON BEHIND ME HAHAHA
— tay (@Taylor_Stag) November 26, 2018
This girl I used to go out with is still using my Netflix and that's cool. She's watching Scandal and is currently on S7E12. Series finale is S7E18. Guess who's changing her password as soon as she gets to episode 17? Yep, it's Petty Labelle.
— 🏳️🌈Quee(r)n Regina (@heyqueenregina) November 26, 2018
So my flat mates laptop got stolen today, please pree what the thief sent him 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/pDhhpmncPz
— Stevie Valentine (@StevieBlessed) November 28, 2018
*Girls in the bathroom at the bar* omg you’re gorgeous, here use my makeup, screw your ex you’re so much better than him, add me on snap, ily5ever
*Girls outside of the bathroom* if you bump into me one more time I’m going to fight you
— Jodi Capps (@Jodiiilynne) November 22, 2018
This is my favorite band break-up notice ever. pic.twitter.com/WsIq1i2d6p
— Conor Sullivan (@conortheconor) November 26, 2018