Mike
You don’t have to be drunk to enjoy these funny tweets, but I can tell you from experience it doesn’t hurt. Twitter jokes are great no matter what state of mind you’re in, I’m just saying why not chase these posts down with something equally fun?
1.
Thinking of all the influencers today out in the cold on 59th and 5th hustling hard to get that shot
— Taylor Lorenz (@TaylorLorenz) December 16, 2018
2.
https://twitter.com/emgrebz/status/1074022899579805702
3.
I got a random FaceTime call just now. Answered. IT WAS A BABY. He was playing on his mom’s phone and was typing numbers and CALLED ME. Made my night honestly
— Chris White (@chriswhite522) December 14, 2018
4.
https://twitter.com/gohomeben/status/1074157980273307651
5.
Haircuts? pic.twitter.com/Vj0xkN1tYc
— James Wrighton (@JamesWrighton) December 14, 2018
6.
https://twitter.com/dattebanyan/status/1073757983300034560
7.
me: hello 911
operator: hello what’s ur emergency
me: these men won’t stop laughing
operator: ok yea that’s annoying but not a crime
me: wtf is manslaughter then
— Natalie (@jbfan911) December 13, 2018
8.
https://twitter.com/ssahaaraa/status/1073675905418047488
9.
One of the weirder things about being an adult is having a favorite stovetop burner, yet nobody talks about it. pic.twitter.com/M6QWXJ9coy
— Andrew Armstrong (@donfrijole) November 27, 2018
10.
anyone else have trouble getting their cats to pose for their christmas card? pic.twitter.com/uLFBQZoZkw
— Lana Miller (@lannmil) December 12, 2018
11.
if your Snapchat story is just one straight minute of you driving and singing along to a song I’m showing your insurance company bc honestly I’m tired of it
— Amy (@asamantha321) January 31, 2018
12.
https://twitter.com/kathasty/status/1073008400160694273
13.
If I have a medical emergency don’t U DARE call an ambulance y’all better uber my ass to the hospital bc we not about to pay 5,000 for a ride in the wee-yoo wagon
— reesie (@reesxe) December 10, 2018
14.
When I woke up today, I thought I saw a mouse on my floor.
(Without my contacts, I have -9 vision, so I can’t see).
SO. I trap the mouse with a box. I put my contacts in so I can see, only to find out that I did not trap a mouse.
I trapped my hairbrush.
Have a great day.
— Celia Grace Lively (@CeliaDenney) December 12, 2018
15.
https://twitter.com/nicsigni/status/1072942921840779265