I’m going to need you to read all of these twitter jokes by the end of the day.
1.
Hey @GordonRamsay What do you think man pic.twitter.com/YfVYN1qGKG
— balint (@252a3d) March 27, 2019
2.
my mom picking me up at school because i threw up in the bathroom pic.twitter.com/2TXHMOYKOa
— Danielle Betsy (@sistersome) March 28, 2019
3.
current mood: absolutely losing it over these pics of bad panoramas of dogs pic.twitter.com/bnUpLztGbH
— coe jordy (@jocelynseip) March 27, 2019
4.
Birds are dinosaurs? No. I want dinosaurs here or I want them completely gone. I don't need a bullshit imitation dinosaur to shit on my car.
— NOT A METH LAB (@jenlaw_11) August 31, 2014
5.
modern friendship is texting "remind me of your address again" back and forth forever even though there's a space to save addresses right there in your contacts
— anna borges (@annabroges) March 26, 2019
6.
I'm not doubting that you're 1/8th Pond People, but this is a research paper. You can't cite "BOG WISDOM"
— bandit (@UtilityLimb) October 14, 2011
7.
Gimme the teat boys, I’m still a foal
I wanna drink milk from an areole
I can’t chew hay— angry wet spider (@birdbutterer) March 26, 2019
8.
4yo son barged in as I was exiting the shower, and he stopped and made a sweeping gesture and asked "When did all of this happen to you?"
— Kristin (@FeralCrone) October 21, 2014
9.
A huge red flag for me is when a date doesn't find me funny, it demonstrates that there exists perhaps a cultural gap that is simply too far to bridge, I am the funniest person I have ever met, I regularly walk into traffic because I am overcome with laughter thinking about me
— nathan ma (@nthnashma) March 24, 2019
10.
i can’t believe my little brother is a father we used to have to hide beans in the higher up cabinets so he wouldn’t shove them up his nose
— giabuchi (@jaboukie) March 25, 2019
11.
I AM NOW THE PROUD OWNER OF THE GREATEST KNIFE IN THE WORLD pic.twitter.com/7ljkoo2N9L
— Heather ⬢ Flowers ⬢ At ⬢ Home (@HTHRFLWRS) March 24, 2019
12.
how’s waldo? pic.twitter.com/FWFAeJRVjf
— Tommy Siegel (@TommySiegel) March 24, 2019
13.
If you lie down on the floor in McDonald's you get to meet the manager
— chip malfunction (@online_shawn) October 30, 2015
14.
Being gay isn’t a choice, it’s an involuntary thing that happens when J.K. Rowling decides it’s your time.
— potter (@dontforgetjames) March 23, 2019
15.
What an upset! My bracket is in shambles pic.twitter.com/ZSfHPMNB9O
— nick (@nickturani) March 22, 2019