Funny

24 Horribly Wrong Things The Rest Of The World Believes About Americans

Americans are a bit of a mystery to the rest of the world. The basic stereotypes are that we all carry guns, either weigh 400 lbs or are models, and all live in New York, California, or Texas. However, there are some other rumors floating around that I honestly have no idea where they could’ve possibly originated.

I don’t take it personally that the rest of the world doesn’t know much about us other than what’s portrayed in television and movies. I mean, most Americans can’t point out a country other than Canada or Mexico on a map. The following rumors though, need to be nipped in the bud before they grow.

1. We most certainly do not. That doesn’t even make sense.

https://twitter.com/abbymactaggart/status/1095061959844732928

2. I actually kind of like this, but I’ve never heard this. I’m guessing this was a one-off dad joke.

3. I hope this isn’t real, because no one has ever given me a spooky basket and that bums me out.

4. In this country, it’s plastic lawn flamingos or bust.

https://twitter.com/PaintPotsBN1/status/517000499460313088

5. The last person to use this phrase died in 1934. Next question.

https://twitter.com/iiGroPamer/status/1118100515705905152

6. I’ve never heard this in my life, and if I ever do I will consider it assault.

https://twitter.com/misssouthfood/status/838366866871562240

7. No one has been to a rave since 2001. We go to music festivals like adults and trade chlamydia.

https://twitter.com/abbierichardsnn/status/1096905312999751681

8. Look at us. Do you really think there’s anything we aren’t eating?

https://twitter.com/sixwholeyrs/status/838331270589358080

9. Ok, while we are the fattest country, everyone knows you only think you want pancakes until you’re halfway into one pancake and feel like you’re going to explode.

https://twitter.com/riverjudes/status/596666555334828032

10. Americans ARE gross, but definitely not for this reason.

https://twitter.com/1980smya/status/1112390695577370629

11. Ok, this one is true. We deep fry sticks of butter at carnivals. But to be fair, carnival folk aren’t really considered Americans, or even people.

12. Yesterday a homeless man threw a ziplock bag of pee at me. Does that count?

https://twitter.com/wlackbell/status/1105199005213036544

13. We’re all on almond milk now.

https://twitter.com/jackbaaall/status/1105858751796514816

14. I’ve done this several times but I don’t think it’s an American thing, it’s more of an asshole thing.

https://twitter.com/KiwiiEQ/status/1096630917680979969

15. I’d say 50% of us don’t even know all of the words.

https://twitter.com/quicksiiIver/status/1108081395094568960

16. No, but the “thatsa spicy meat-a-ball” one is true.

https://twitter.com/G00K0/status/425635375923884032

17. Lady, we don’t even drink water.

https://twitter.com/neobngtan/status/1031289731332689921

18. That sounds French. You might be thinking of Canada.

19. I’m afraid this is true, but most of us look down on these people. They’re the same folks who clap when the plane lands.

20. Not even sure what to do with this one. No, dude. No.

https://twitter.com/marlonddriver/status/1108051432769548295

21. The only things we call French here are fries, kissing, and French Stewart.

https://twitter.com/gseery777/status/610038578752544768

22. This is true in some parts of the country, but thankfully I was spared. I can still rock out some “hot cross buns” on the recorder though.

https://twitter.com/loversinfilm/status/1064351047622250496

23. This isn’t a thing, and how would this come up enough that we’d need an acronym for it?

24. Again with the butter. No. Most of us just get drunk on a boat or blow shit up.

https://twitter.com/Tay_Shu/status/750165316957646848

Mike

Mike Primavera

Mike Primavera is a Chicago-based comedy writer even though he doesn't HAVE to work. He lives comfortably off of his family's pasta fortune. Follow him on all social media at @primawesome