Mike
If you’re here, it means you haven’t read these funny tweets yet. You had all week to do it, but here you are at the final buzzer.
I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
1.
https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/1137803537830895616
2.
https://twitter.com/Kendragarden/status/573925359357325312
3.
https://twitter.com/Scaachi/status/1139378361287839744
4.
The girl in my 3rd grade class that told everyone she was part horse and ate grass at recess is engaged and I have been ghosted 4 times in the last month. Much to think about
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) May 8, 2019
5.
https://twitter.com/camtyeson/status/1138596535233466369
6.
Her skin is pale, her eyes are red
Her leaden voice commands the dead
To rise and stand beside their dreadful queen
No mortal power escapes her thrall
Her hunger will consume us all
And even now I hear her call: Jolene— ballistic: x vs twitr (@fauxparse) June 8, 2019
7.
Got to my dad’s house and he was showing me all the food he has for me to snack on and he goes “and I have a guacamole ball” what’s a guacamole ball you ask? well I will tell you. an avocado. He has an avocado.
— mere strömb (@merestromb) June 9, 2019
8.
Civil engineer: Let’s build some bridges!
Rude engineer: fuck you
— Dr. Jeff Computers (@JeffMyspace) June 5, 2019
9.
My hands are for one thing only: playing sax pic.twitter.com/ncuJJUBBAg
— Kenny G (@kennyg) November 26, 2016
10.
https://twitter.com/gaysnufkin69/status/1136019387675283456
11.
Maps used to say cool stuff like “Here Be Dragons.” Now they just say bullshit like “Portugal.”
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) January 23, 2019
12.
im a bitch / im a lover
im hulk hogan / hey there brother— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) May 30, 2019
13.
— subscribe to Grace Spelman Music Project (@GraceSpelman) May 29, 2019
14.
1999: there are millions of websites all hyperlinked together
2019: there are four websites, each filled with screenshots of the other three.— David Masad (@badnetworker) May 28, 2019
15.
need tips for surviving on minimum wage? instead of eating lavish turkey slices for lunch, try licking the moss from a nearby tree stump. instead of blasting the A/C all summer, stare into the sun and dare God to kill you.
— Law Boy (@The_Law_Boy) May 22, 2019