Mike
You had all week, but that’s okay. You’re here now.
I’m gonna need you to read these great tweets by EOD.
Thanks so much.
1.
this is it. this is peak comedy. nothing will ever be funnier than this pic.twitter.com/qNCwtrDtYm
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) June 23, 2019
2.
Sometimes when my girl makes me mad I upload pictures with her forehead edited to be slightly bigger pic.twitter.com/lRaZiTAZ1A
— Tgflx (@Tgflx1) June 27, 2019
3.
Dear children of today: Like it or not, you’re really 90s kids. pic.twitter.com/M1CDSzO5nI
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) June 26, 2019
4.
Me: how do I do my taxes
— Mark Magark (@markedly) June 25, 2019
Public School: shut the fuck up and square dance
5.
coming to the door to pick up my Uber eats after accidentally falling asleep pic.twitter.com/lfEsVWvFUd
— pinar (@pienar) June 27, 2019
6.
Lord give me the commitment of a guy they forced into a polar bear costume going full method during an escape drill at a zoo pic.twitter.com/wPSBZ6hwpb
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 27, 2019
7.
found some forbidden knowledge on facebook pic.twitter.com/r7N0vVrBZn
— billy mays here with oxycontin (@crocNballs) June 25, 2019
8.
Whoever wrote this sounds mad as hell at plants https://t.co/GUrdPdfqBt
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 26, 2019
9.
PARENTS DO NOT VACCINATE YOUR CHILD!! I vaccinated my baby and now 60 years later he has an Old face, too soft hands, horrible looking. DISGUSTING why is he alive so long
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) June 24, 2019
10.
my grandfather: i fought off wolves in the alaskan wilderness and had to stitch my own wounds with fishing line
— not rob. (for legal reasons) 💻 (@robfromonline) March 24, 2019
me: there was someone standing near the mailbox so i'll just have to get the mail tomorrow
11.
Every time you shake hands with a dog u r entering into a dog contract whos stipulations u could never understand
— tanks (@Burger_Time_) January 24, 2015
12.
Scorpio: We’re not going to sugar-coat this, you’re going to have to fight a goose for your lunch this week.
— Sorrow-scopes (@Sorrowscopes) June 23, 2019
13.
I sent youse two to whack that freakin' guy and instead youse screwed it up like a couple of pic.twitter.com/njabNwIPO3
— DC Pierson (@DCpierson) August 18, 2018
14.
I don't use Tinder, I meet girls the old school way: never
— alien skier 👽👽👽 (@clichedout) June 12, 2019
15.
The sequel to Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy we deserve pic.twitter.com/mOxFexwhyD
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) June 21, 2019