Mike
It’s a good thing you’re here. You might have missed these tweets. Can you imagine?
You’d be out with friends and one of them would say, “Hey, did you see this viral joke?”
You’d have to say no like some kind of loser. You’re not a loser, are you?
Not anymore.
1.
the aliens at area 51 asking the scientists if they can try fettuccini alfredo pic.twitter.com/URLv0lmNVp
— ducki (@DUCKIGYAL) July 11, 2019
2.
(opening my god damn email) there better not be any god damn emails in here
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) July 8, 2019
3.
me: can you dust my wets?
server: you can just ask for Parmesan cheese
me, confused, lifts all of my spaghetti with my hands: please. My wets.
— Ebert (@horsedivorce) March 6, 2019
4.
Me: can I have a turn in the hedge now
Hedgehog: no
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) July 1, 2019
5.
"yo they lookin for u outside, i bit a kid." pic.twitter.com/g3BKz2eHvp
— pau (@iicywifey) June 30, 2019
6.
"do you want to protect your purchase for an additional $4.99?"
No. I will protect my purchase with my katana— Gentle Ben (@Buncahn) July 3, 2019
7.
im at the georgia aquarium and some stranger just airdropped this to me???? pic.twitter.com/HLWW6vLVv1
— erica? no thanks (@erica_rosie) July 6, 2018
8.
[a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it
— Blank. (@sarcasm_inc) March 25, 2015
9.
You should absolutely be able to return your degree to your school for a full refund
— Bedtime is 10 pm (@InternetHippo) June 28, 2019
10.
coming to the door to pick up my Uber eats after accidentally falling asleep pic.twitter.com/lfEsVWvFUd
— pinar (@pienar) June 27, 2019
11.
Lord give me the commitment of a guy they forced into a polar bear costume going full method during an escape drill at a zoo pic.twitter.com/wPSBZ6hwpb
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) June 27, 2019
12.
this is it. this is peak comedy. nothing will ever be funnier than this pic.twitter.com/qNCwtrDtYm
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) June 23, 2019
13.
As the world gets dumber, I can't help but think Pizza Hut should give a personal pan pizza to every adult who reads 12 books over the summer.
— SCOTTY (@MarylandMudflap) July 10, 2019
14.
A BROADWAY SHOW ABOUT A PIZZERIA AND THEY MAKE ACTUAL PIZZAS ONSTAGE AND SERVE THEM TO THE AUDIENCE AND THE PIZZA IS SO DELICIOUS BUT THE SHOW IS GODAWFUL AND SO IT CLOSES BUT SOMEONE BUYS THE THEATER AND TURNS IT INTO A PIZZA RESTAURANT AND THEN THEY DO A BROADWAY SHOW ABOUT IT.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) July 1, 2019
15.
My dads phone is old pic.twitter.com/GFMk75croZ
— Bridey Lee Elliott (@brideylee) June 27, 2019