Mike
You almost missed them, but lucky for you I found the best tweets and put them in here. What would you do without me?
1.
Guy with thick chicago accent helps coyote pup pic.twitter.com/RJB9sqkrxl
— derek (@eedrk) August 15, 2019
2.
I’ve never lost my virginity, because I never lose 😤
— GORDO (@GordoSZN) August 19, 2019
3.
Wake up nerds it’s time to sin
— Satan (@s8n) August 19, 2019
4.
this is DoorDash for bears https://t.co/U9V2293o9q
— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) August 18, 2019
5.
When you're watching the second round of the NBA Draft. pic.twitter.com/LSEr1nQlqe
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) August 16, 2019
6.
Dwayne Johnson just got married and if his wife didn't say "you are my Rock" in her vows then what was even the point
— dirt prince (@tiemoose) August 20, 2019
7.
“Eat the rich”:
-gross
-kinda weird
-don’t know where they’ve been“Use the rich as fertilizer”:
-good for the environment
-still menacing
-everyone loves wood chippers— the artist unfortunately known as (@babadookspinoza) August 22, 2019
8.
Baby carrots implies that carrots be fuckin
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) August 22, 2019
9.
Folks, Denmark — more and more you’re hearing it’s a rotten place. They had a prince named Hamlet, very indecisive guy. His uncle killed his dad, the King, but he couldn’t make up his mind and it was a big mess. So we’re looking at Horatio very strongly, we’re looking at Laertes
— Martin (@Bregosaurus) August 21, 2019
10.
minecraft? no babe *grabs hand* it’s ourcraft
— duo (@duolingous) August 18, 2019
11.
OoOoOoH the Zodiac Killer, so scary. Are you going to kill me with astrology whoa that’s a big knife-
— the drake gatsby ✨ (@DrakeGatsby) August 18, 2019
12.
hot girl summer is over, make way for crab boy winter. scuttle about sideways. wave that one terrible big claw around. disgusting
— Deirdre (@figgled) August 22, 2019
13.
If you rob someone while they're taking a bath that's technically piracy
— Opinion Leader (@InternetHippo) August 20, 2019
14.
Just because I choose not to drink doesn't automatically make me no fun. That is a separate choice, which I've also made.
— Sarah J (@Trisarahjtops) August 20, 2019
15.
[first day at mcdonalds]
guy: can i get a large fry
me: you mean like a potato
— shen the bird (@Shen_the_Bird) February 22, 2019