Mike
It’s a good thing you stopped by. You really shouldn’t miss these tweets.
1.
https://twitter.com/lowlifekirby/status/1168742060192456709
2.
https://twitter.com/Conkernog/status/1168646566317572101
3.
Bart Simpson: “Eat my shorts”
Parents in the 90s: “This is…the worst thing I’ve ever heard.”
— richie owens (@iamRichieOwens) September 1, 2019
4.
My girlfriend left a tampon at my apartment and idk where the left one is. Anyone know where I can get a single left tampon to keep a set here for emergencies? pic.twitter.com/6D51FIWrVU
— Evan J. Worthen (@harambevan) September 1, 2019
5.
A wedding? You mean an open bar where two people are getting married
— Erica (@eerrriiicaa) September 1, 2019
6.
same day delivery is the most American shit of all time, you run out of deodorant or something and with a single click start a Rube Goldberg of human suffering in an Amazon warehouse twenty miles away
— Law Boy (@The_Law_Boy) September 4, 2019
7.
disappointed to hear the fifth rambo film is called 'rambo: last blood' and not 'rambo no. 5'
— Amanda Yeo (@amandamyeo) September 4, 2019
8.
https://twitter.com/41Strange/status/1168321798510768128
9.
Tool is number 1 on iTunes. WoW is the biggest game. there’s a dark comic book movie coming out. everyone’s talking about Dave Chappelle. the mid 2000s are back. we did it boys. and in record time
— Lead Actor from Pixar’s Sodas (@ByYourLogic) August 30, 2019
10.
Was placed in charge of the group chat this week and I think I handled it pretty well pic.twitter.com/n67LUOaTBy
— Sir Michael (@Michael1979) September 4, 2019
11.
https://twitter.com/jazz_inmypants/status/1168926980089233408
12.
https://twitter.com/MyFavsTrash/status/1168357835970883584
13.
https://twitter.com/yooocaitlin/status/1168036005712023553
14.
i got drunk last night and accidentally requested off the entire month of november and somehow it got approved
— kelly (@kelllicopter) August 30, 2019
15.
The driver of jfk’s car sees everyone screaming and is like did I hit a squirrel
— john is toast (@johnistoasted) August 29, 2019