Mike
Anytime you try anything you’re just asking the universe to take a dump on you. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try, I’m just saying if it doesn’t go well I’m going to laugh at you and post it on here. Good luck.
1. Good thing you booked a window seat.
2. But where is the smoke alarm for the smoke alarm?
3. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because fuck you that’s why.
4. Your coworker is the opposite of a Disney princess.
5. You’re gonna need more than one drink.
6. So glad the new iPhones have the strongest glass oh wait no they don’t.
7. Good thing you flew all the way to London to see Big Ben in person.
8. Cursed return.
9. Make it work.
10. Try putting it in the trash.
11. Hope you enjoy your super clean windows, bird murderer.
12. None of you assholes can throw him a piggyback ride?
13. Roombas weren’t meant to clean a dog’s thrown up breakfast. RIP, little guy. You’re cleaning angel puke now.
14. When you’re thinking about asking out your crush and she hits you with one of these.
15. Waking up screaming is better than the strongest coffee.
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