While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
I did the thing where I let my 2½-year-old nephew take over my Animoji and he mostly had one question pic.twitter.com/uz7egeLOg2
— Jen Lewis (@thisjenlewis) October 3, 2019
2.
I’ve just convinced my mate that the inside of a cheese grater is in fact, a sick new nightclub pic.twitter.com/CQO75l8xvB
— (@jem_jemxoxo) October 3, 2019
3.
[at a restaurant]
woman: and i’ll have that without cheese
me: *leaning my entire body into the waiters line of sight from a neighboring table* i’ll have her cheese— erin chack (@ErinChack) October 2, 2019
4.
my italian mother telling us a story at thanksgiving dinner pic.twitter.com/PeF65QFLlV
— grim monte ☠️ (@KimmyMonte) September 30, 2019
5.
Me: should I just text him again?
everyone: https://t.co/7YHs9Sjhv5
— (@kayyorkcity) September 30, 2019
6.
https://twitter.com/PEPSICKO/status/1175397760519954432
7.
I’m not lazy I’m energy efficient
— Shenanigans (@Shenanigans_luv) September 30, 2019
8.
Been together since 4pm, no problems. I go to the bathroom ONCE 45 seconds in, and I have to rush out to this: pic.twitter.com/AN1iaZYe2k
— Madeline (@madelaneeee) September 27, 2019
9.
buying a pregnancy test is just paying a late fee for your period
— Kie (@kiely____) October 4, 2019
10.
https://twitter.com/marybethbarone/status/1179772222896037889
11.
date: can you take off your work gloves
Jim Henson: they have names
— jo (@whatsJo) October 4, 2019
12.
Conspiracy theory: Shia LaBeouf lost his passion in acting and purpose in life so he hibernated for a couple years and came back as a rapper with face tattoos named Post Malone. pic.twitter.com/3AGLsSIyzZ
— Hannah Berner (@beingbernz) September 17, 2019
13.
https://twitter.com/RachelMComedy/status/1178772584881635333
14.
I talk a lot of shit for someone who has to be in bed by 9:30.
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) September 12, 2019
15.
can y’all please stop getting dumb bitches pregnant. im tired of seeing “my little angle”
— ☁️ (@hxrtbitch) October 2, 2019
16.
dudes be in the dm’s like:
hey
hey
hey
hey
hey
hey
hey
hey
hey
wow fuck you sIut
hey— ❥ (@AMMARlSE) September 29, 2019
17.
https://twitter.com/jennyjaffe/status/1179527945267757062
18.
obsessed with whatever tax bracket it is where Adult bathrooms are beach themed and then kids bathrooms are more specifically fish themed
— helena (@freshhel) September 30, 2019
19.
https://twitter.com/catccohen/status/1177336916783616001
20.
in the 1980’s our moms were literally always on the phone with someone what tf were they always talking about, magnum p.i.? shoulder pads ?
— pony (@tigersgoroooar) September 28, 2019
21.
I’ve never been held hostage, but I have gotten trapped in my own sports bra while getting undressed.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) September 28, 2019
22.
me: i am overwhelmed, dying, too many tasks, help, what can be done, will i live this way forever
after replying to one email: magnificent, what a powerful work horse, can't be stopped, time to celebrate with a beer, reward this titan of industry
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) September 29, 2019
23.
MY LYFT DRIVER IS RAPPING DO I CLAP OR WHAT
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) October 4, 2019