Jason Mustian
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
say it ain’t so
i will not go
turn the lights off pic.twitter.com/EmFbBTsvMX— grim monte 🖤☠️👻🎃 (@KimmyMonte) October 12, 2019
2.
pete davidson and pete davidson in a wig have called it quits https://t.co/Ruez686Kd2
— im young and hot (@tayallard) October 18, 2019
3.
high school teachers: your college professors won’t be nearly as laid back as I am
my college professor: pic.twitter.com/ivKLR4afxX
— M (@atmckenna) October 16, 2019
4.
Me when the TSA asks if I have anything illegal in my purse pic.twitter.com/ccDiWl40Y1
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) October 16, 2019
5.
I am not joyless I have had as many as 6 whole joys
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) October 18, 2019
6.
When you have two seconds to name your movie and you look around the room https://t.co/1SUyZmQU5M
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 14, 2019
7.
sometimes having a family amazon account is…..embarassing pic.twitter.com/6uXX2xWvWl
— eco goth (@5150wonderbread) October 15, 2019
8.
almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday
— bam its sam✨ (@saaamscottt6) October 16, 2019
9.
if a centaur had a dick would it be like THIS or like THIS: pic.twitter.com/HoXY0oAu6D
— erin chack (@ErinChack) October 17, 2019
10.
i cant believe cardi b named her daughter bernie sanders pic.twitter.com/CLm2eBdzDV
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) October 11, 2019
11.
my mental migratory birds
health & in the northern
productivity hemisphere
🤝
heading south for winter— 👻climate change is real🎃 (@queerdesigrrrl) October 17, 2019
12.
When my alarm goes off mid-dream, I’ll hit snooze, thinking, “Hold on, I want to see where this goes…” as if I’m the broadcast news producer in a movie where the anchor is going off book.
— Melissa Hunter (@melissaFTW) October 17, 2019
13.
You know what that means: six more weeks of Democratic Primaries https://t.co/TUO7Q53d2S
— Screamily Yeller (@MrEmilyHeller) October 17, 2019
14.
Straight line:
_______________________________Dashed line:
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____Girl from my high school who thinks she's an influencer:
——————————— Lindsay Carbone (@LindsayCarbone8) October 16, 2019
15.
My dog is mad at me so often that it feels like we’re actually dating instead of just fucking.
— CORINNE FISHER (@PhilanthropyGal) October 17, 2019
16.
i would eat this off the floor of a former toys r us-turned-halloween store while wearing a full clown outfit. is that the answer you wanted? your viral food content can't scare me anymore. i'm numb now. pic.twitter.com/1l9WWyOXpX
— ɥɔuʎq pıʌɐp (@soalexgoes) October 18, 2019
17.
Why should I have to stop talking about my ex, a relationship that ended a mere year ago, when Hollywood won’t stop making movies about world war 2, a war that ended like 20 years ago?
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) October 18, 2019
18.
i get nervous when a product has a new look so you can imagine my relief to discover it’s the same great formula
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) October 18, 2019
19.
Sucks when u dress hot and then u don’t see anyone important and then u have to take off the outfit at the end of the day pretending you dressed up “for yourself”
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) October 17, 2019
20.
Welcome to America pic.twitter.com/itfe0ky7XI
— Hi, it's Abject Terror. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) September 14, 2019
21.
Hi mom. Can you come pick me up he has a five in one body wash.
— Yesika Salgado (@YesikaStarr) October 13, 2019
22.
oh my god pic.twitter.com/RTuiHSl8cW
— babyfat (@OWWIEZ) October 8, 2019
23.
the number of takes this took is embarrassing pic.twitter.com/dAvZwlTDf1
— Rachel Millman (@rachelmillman) October 15, 2019