Jason Mustian
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
When you’re using Apple Maps and realize you’ve been walking the wrong direction for two blocks pic.twitter.com/pB2zR1vgyX
— B. (@Bridgianity) October 23, 2019
2.
subscribe to my onlyfans to peep my ankles pic.twitter.com/pr73aaUc8e
— neon anica werewolf hunter (@anicacoela) October 22, 2019
3.
When everyone warns you about your crush, but you don’t care pic.twitter.com/USEjumVDXU
— Diamond Brown (@HereIsDime) October 23, 2019
4.
— Christin Bailey (@hexprax) October 24, 2019
5.
How is it that the Madame Tussauds wax model of Mark Zuckerberg looks way more like a real person than Mark Zuckerberg does? Oh my god pic.twitter.com/pdkHLbN488
— Gravelord NEETo (@coherentstates) October 25, 2019
6.
Y’all still pull your luggage? 🤔🤭 amateurs. #lifehacks pic.twitter.com/RtcG1zQUlh
— D Rose (@DamnDRoseTweets) October 19, 2019
7.
the great pumpkin is gay
lots of lead up? dramatic? loves halloween? makes you wait up all night for them and then eventually ghosts? baby, that’s a homosexual
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) October 24, 2019
8.
I’m sorry but if you are dating my crush you need to have easily accessible pictures of you online so I can compare myself to you IN A HEALTHY WAY.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) October 24, 2019
9.
I saw a man getting ready to fight someone and he took out his airpods and gave them to his friends like they were hoops
— Maya Murillo (@mayainthemoment) October 22, 2019
10.
11.
My father-in-law has 28 grandchildren and 45 great grandchildren and he has an excel spreadsheet that he refers to regularly so he can remember all their names.
— Cindi B. in NH (@UtahMomsLife) October 21, 2019
12.
Me, writing an email:
I’m using an exclamation point so you know I’m friendly and excited! But now I’m using a period so that you know I’m not crazy. Here’s another sentence with a period as a buffer, proving my normalness. Thanks so much!
— Grace Segers (@Grace_Segers) October 24, 2019
13.
i wonder what the rest of the future envisioned by the dippin dots inventors looked like
— maura 🧟♀️ johnston (@maura) October 24, 2019
14.
Sorry did someone ask for my impression of an Australian bingo night emcee pic.twitter.com/MF3LNO70wL
— caitie thee delaney (@caitiedelaney) October 24, 2019
15.
Sorry did someone ask for my impression of an Australian bingo night emcee pic.twitter.com/MF3LNO70wL
— caitie thee delaney (@caitiedelaney) October 24, 2019
16.
I grabbed the right Tupperware lid on the first try and I’ve never felt more drunk with power.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 20, 2019
17.
how come in movies people can punch each other 500 times while falling off a building and get up but in real life i accidentally kicked the end of the couch and i had to lie on the floor for 30 minutes
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) October 24, 2019
18.
Me rushing to put a face mask on as soon as I feel my mental health slipping pic.twitter.com/nfBNeBbynh
— jenan (@jxnann) October 21, 2019
19.
Nothing brings out the worst in me like someone trying to teach me a new card game
— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) October 21, 2019
20.
75% of the time spent together in modern relationships is just comparing phone battery life to determine who gets to use the charger first
— Tԋҽ Gιɾl Wԋσ Cαɱҽ ƚσ Slαყ (@Mom_Overboard) October 20, 2019
21.
I want my house to be tidy enough that if someone unexpectedly stops by, it doesn’t look like we’re seven hours in to battling a bear that broke in.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 23, 2019
22.
23.
