Mike
I have a great batch for you this week. Well, I have a great batch for you every week. Every Friday I drop my bucket into the Twitter well and every Friday it comes up full. Thank you, Jebus, for this plentiful bounty.
1.
McRib stands for “My Chemical Romance Is Back”
— Exit 114 (@exitonefourteen) October 31, 2019
2.
I just want everyone to know that my two-year old insisted on being “pants” for Halloween… pic.twitter.com/ONR7K4AxnY
— Jeffrey Bien (@jungleland) October 31, 2019
3.
Yea sex is cool but have you ever told your spouse where something is and they look there and say it’s not there and then you go find it right where you said it was and hand it to them?
— Jason Mustian (@jasonmustian) October 31, 2019
4.
All ready for tonight 🙂 pic.twitter.com/HHrUl2edRx
— Nathan Hare (@nathanharenice) October 31, 2019
5.
getting the candy washed and ready to go for halloween night pic.twitter.com/3eXPTbky5W
— slick (@dlicj) October 30, 2019
6.
rat science is the only science that matters pic.twitter.com/nKZaaINa1j
— cam(pbell) (@soy_person) October 30, 2019
7.
My girlfriend said we should each pick a “hall pass”, just in case we ever met that person. I chose Kate Upton and she chose her roommate Connor
— nick (@nickturani) October 30, 2019
8.
my therapist just referred to her therapist as my grand-therapist . trying to process.
— corie johnson (@corietjohnson) October 30, 2019
9.
horror movie where millennials manage to buy a house but it’s haunted by the ghosts of all the things millennials have killed
“what was that?”
“oh my god Jessica it’s GOLF”— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) October 29, 2019
10.
cotton farmer: finally, some rain
cotton candy farmer: *running toward his fields* oh shit oh fuck— Steve vs Zombies (@stevevsninjas) October 26, 2019
11.
do you think a modern nfl team could beat the 1889 intramural football program of the hartford, connecticut business boarding school for young men and goody good boys
— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) October 31, 2019
12.
all you need for a winnie the pooh costume is a red tshirt and courage
— BAKOON (@BAKKOOONN) October 31, 2019
13.
when testicles die they go to ballhalla
— Talia Lavin, girl reporter (@chick_in_kiev) October 30, 2019
14.
The only ambulance I want picking me up pic.twitter.com/UsLhwhkbAJ
— Aussies Doing Things (@aussiesdointhgs) October 28, 2019
15.
i need a bumper sticker that says “sorry i’m a huge dumbass” and then another one that says “i also have anxiety”and then one more that says “they’re unrelated but they are both contributing to what i’m doing right now”
— lou (@milkglutton_) October 27, 2019