Mike
Your assignment, whether or not you choose to accept it, is to read these tweets by EOD, but I’m guessing you will accept it because you clicked on this, but I’m also not claiming to know you or anything, like, do you or whatever, it’s just these tweets are pretty good, so you’d be missing out, and it’d be weird to click on this post, read all of this, then not read the tweets.
1.
WHAT THE DEMON UNDER MY BED SEE AT NIGHT 🤣 pic.twitter.com/PVbaX6jgup
— Tyree Smitty Smith (@kingsmitty219) October 23, 2019
2.
When I’m bored I go around putting
these stickers on paper towel
dispensers pic.twitter.com/WUwHDPm1nS— Sofia Paredes (@SofiaParedes79) November 4, 2019
3.
how can med students be sick,like bro just look at your notes
— Talal (@floofyginger) November 1, 2019
4.
Cool… probably won’t pick that guy https://t.co/GaibNRYPNQ
— Alex Watt (@AlexanderWatt) November 5, 2019
5.
met this divorce lawyer in passing one time and we got to talking about life & writing and he said he wrote a script once in his 20s. i asked what happened w it and he says “they made it actually. it was called Juwanna Mann.” guy wrote Juwanna Mann & then just moved on w his life
— conor (@UglyBoyBigLoser) November 6, 2019
6.
I fucking hate grocery store check out screens asking me if I want to donate $20 to end child hunger or whatever. You’re a $10 billion corporation. I’m using a coupon to get 50 cents off a bag of potatos. Why don’t YOU donate $20 to end child hunger
— Rebecca Watson (@rebeccawatson) November 3, 2019
7.
organic toilet paper has gotten a bit too organic imo pic.twitter.com/igvCLzvi9I
— #1 samir (@samir) November 7, 2019
8.
I don’t care for math. if a number wants to get different that’s none of my business
— kimmy (@ka_waltz) November 2, 2019
9.
So my nephew was Matt Foley for Halloween. This is one of the best impersonations Ive ever seen. Maybe my proudest moment as an uncle 😂 @nbcsnl pic.twitter.com/lxfkGjdiZi
— Cane (@Caneisthename) November 1, 2019
10.
so I was accidentally placed in a group chat with these ladies…and I’m sorry barb… LMAO pic.twitter.com/y50Ke0JoVh
— black mamba (@cyberc00tie) October 31, 2019
11.
They found her old tweets pic.twitter.com/7eJZRKO8JK
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) November 6, 2019
12.
bill gates hit me up if you need any tips on how to live on less than seven billion dollars my good bitch
— kimmy (@ka_waltz) November 7, 2019
13.
Nothing makes me laugh as consistently as remembering the story of Hitchbot, the hitchhiking robot that made it all the way across Canada and tried to do the same in the USA but was immediately beaten to death in Philadelphia pic.twitter.com/MIAlEK26cM
— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) November 7, 2019
14.
my cat: [switching to powerpoint slide that shows the food dish is 49% full]
my other cat: [using laser pointer for emphasis, derailing the presentation]
— Taming Fred Savage (@FredTaming) November 7, 2019
15.
me walking into the kitchen at 3 am to eat pickles pic.twitter.com/o2QStoBJfC
— 🍍Nate🍍 (@SpookiiNate) November 4, 2019